Commandment #1: Be Becky

I’m lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon for a much-needed nap after a 6-hour night’s sleep. Some people, like my husband, can function quite well for days at a time on 6 hours of sleep. I, however, have never been one of them. Anything less than 7 hours leaves me feeling as if I’ve just come down with the flu. So once I’ve finished my morning responsibilities, I lay down to catch a few z’s. Just as I start to drift off, I hear someone coming into the house. Like a jack rabbit, I’m standing next to my bed, fixing my hair, and look like I was simply coming into the bedroom to dutifully put something away.

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The question is, why?

I’m a grown adult who certainly knows when she needs a nap. I’m not a lazy person, in fact, I work quite hard. So why would I feel so urgently to not appear sleeping? The truth is, I have always been too worried about what other people think.
 
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a pleaser. Desperate for the approval of others, I tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be. From turning my right foot out when I walk to be “just like dad”, to playing Barbies when it bored me to tears, I spent much of my time hoping that if I could just mold myself into what everyone else wanted me to be, I would finally be “enough”. Good enough, lovable enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. And I didn’t outgrow it. That’s why in her book, “The Happiness Project”, Gretchen Rubin shared that one of her foundational principles is to “Be Gretchen” it resonated so powerfully for me.
 
Not surprisingly, throughout my life I also had an intense level of anxiety. I used to think it was simply inherited and there was nothing I could do about it. I have since come to realize that most of my anxiety stems from an intense need to be what other people want me to be. Believing that I could chameleon myself into what would make others happy was an impossible task. And further believing that their love and acceptance of me depended upon my chameleon-like abilities added immense pressure. And finally, believing that my ultimate worth dependent on the love and acceptance of others was the nail in the coffin that sent me reeling in a never-ending spiral of anxiety.
 
The answer for me would quickly become my first personal commandment: Be Becky.
 
Do I feel the need to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon? Then I should take one. Do I want to sing and be silly in the grocery store with my kids? Then it’s time to sing away! Do I want to eat a brownie for lunch, wear white after Labor Day, and use too many exclamation points in my emails? Then I may have to ignore the judgy stares, hold my head up high, and decide that liking myself is far more important than whether or not others like me.

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The answer is to Be Becky.
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That’s not to say there aren’t good people to emulate, or times I may choose to do something I don’t particularly want to do. But the more I apply this principle, something miraculous happens! When I make my decisions out of a place of respect for myself, as well as others, my anxiety practically disappears. I don’t worry so much about whether I am good enough, lovable enough, smart enough, or pretty enough for other people, because you know what? I am enough of all of those things for myself. And all it took was to stop evaluating my every move through the eyes of others, and simply Be Becky.    ​​

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