The Cheesecake Always Shows...

It was the Spring of 1990 and I found myself alone in our tiny Japanese apartment with only our brand-new baby for company. As cute as she was, I was hoping in vain for someone a bit bigger to step in...someone who could help me figure out just how I was supposed to take care of her.

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My mother had returned to the states and my husband to work and I began to wonder if God had made a gigantic mistake by entrusting this amazing child to my care. I had no idea what I was doing, and this beautiful baby made that clear with her endless crying that she too was seeking someone more skilled than me.
 
The Japanese are incredibly generous people, and when someone has a baby, it is common to send gifts such as honeydew melon or cheesecake. At the time, I much preferred cheesecake, and I was not disappointed. However, the anxiety that came with the belief that I was an inept mother sent me running to food to calm my fears multiple times a day. And having a seemingly endless supply of cheesecake may not have been the best idea.
 
One morning, while pacing the tiny apartment with this screaming infant in my arms, my mind kept looking at the cheesecake delivered the day before. Ken and I had eaten two pieces of it after dinner and now the other 14 pieces were calling my name, like the siren-song that would bring me peace. But how can I eat more without Ken knowing about it? The struggle was on.
 
Soon, however, the cheesecake gods sent another cheesecake to the door…one that Ken knew nothing about. Driven by pure anxiety, I dove into yesterday’s cheesecake. You know the old saying, “First a sliver, then a slice, then a slab, then a slob.” And before I knew it, I had eaten the entire cheesecake from the night before, AND two more pieces out of the new cheesecake to make it appear like it was yesterday’s cheesecake. Putting the wrapping in the outside bin, I prayed that Ken would be none the wiser.
 
Now physically sick and emotionally numb, I put a smile on my face when Ken got home, handed him the still-screaming baby, and promised myself once again that “this would be the last time”, still convinced that no one would ever know.
 
The funny thing is, I have learned that the cheesecake always shows. It surely showed up on my backside. It showed up in the internal pressure I felt from my secrecy and dishonesty. It showed up when it made it just that much easier to binge the next time. It showed up every moment of every day as I knew in my heart that I was not being true to the person I really was. My body suffered, my spirit suffered, and my self-respect suffered.

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It is true with all things in life. The cheesecake always shows. The things we do in the privacy of our own homes, our cars, our offices, may not be immediately apparent to those around us, but they will always be immediately apparent to us and to God, and they will be sensed or felt by those we love.
 
This is true of the good as well as the not-so-good. When we are honest in private, the cheesecake always shows. When we are kind, the cheesecake always shows. When we choose to align ourselves with who we truly are, I promise you, the cheesecake will always show.