Transforming Transitions

​The year was 1990. I found myself in a Japanese hospital, if you could call it that. The doctor lived in one part of the house and saw patients in the other. There, I had my first baby and quickly found out that rarely are things in life the way you think they will be.
 
Rather than the all-natural childbirth I had planned, an emergency C-section left me in shock and pain. I was unprepared for the postpartum depression that visited, and even more unprepared for a baby that never stopped screaming for the first six months of her life. Add that to the unresolved trauma of my past and…well, you can imagine…I was a wreck.
 
We were thrilled to have our beautiful baby girl join our family and she has been a light in our lives. I only wish I had known how to get help during that stressful life transition. In hindsight, I know that I would have been far less stressed, and our baby would have had a far more peaceful childhood, if I had sought emotional help.
 
Perhaps this is on my mind because that same baby girl is about to have a baby of her own. She and her sweet husband are smarter than we were. They are as prepared as a couple can be for the changes that are about to take place. An yet they know that life transitions…no matter how blessed…have a way of shaking things up…of changing our worldview…of changing our view of ourselves. It’s just how transitions go.
 
All throughout life, we are faced with transitions: starting grade school, then the dreaded middle school, high school, and college; dating, choosing partners, building lives together, and eventual loss; watching our bodies change from youthful health to middle-aged aches and pains, to elderly limitations; and a host of other transitions affecting jobs, beliefs, social support, and expectations. It is during these times that we may find ourselves needing more support than usual.
 
One reason I love therapy is that it provides opportunities to help clients better understand the challenges associated with these transitions; the impact they have on us internally, as well as on our relationships; learn skills to successfully adapt to our new realities; and develop coping resources that can help us not only get through these transitions, but actually be transformed for the better because of them.
 
Avoiding stress is not the goal of life; growing through the life stressors we experience is. When we receive the support we need, we are able to see that each transition brings with it hidden blessings, and opportunities to receive more joy and peace than we previously had. I cannot imagine our life without that little girl, or the four more angels that joined our family afterwards. They grew, and I grew. My capacity to love has grown, as has my capacity for patience, forgiveness, humor, and peace. But I have come to know that this kind of growth also comes from other life transitions, such as the death of a loved one, relationship loss, changing of beliefs, jobs, and expectations.
 
I know my daughter and son-in-law’s hearts are about to grow and stretch in ways they never even dreamed of. And I pray that along with all of the sleepless nights; the worrying; the endless picking up of toys, shoes, and homework; they will find the support and perspective needed to allow their very souls to be grow through these transforming transitions.

Becky Ivory, MFTI
White Peaks Therapy
​[email protected]

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