​No amount of professional smiles could hide the terror I saw in my fellow public speakers, or felt in myself, when Sylvie di Giusto announced just what was coming next. We would spend the next 5 minutes walking around the room with a sheet of white sticky labels in one hand and a pen in the other, and purposely pass snap judgments on one another.
 
Sylvie had already done an expert job of explaining that first impressions are made in only 7 seconds and it was our turn to share our first impressions of our colleagues. As we approached someone, we quickly wrote the first word that came to our mind when we saw that person, peeled off the label, and placed it on their back, saving a measure of “face” for everyone involved.  In 5 short minutes, we were left with a handful of literal and figurative “labels” to categorize and make sense of, and to ponder the sort of first impression we make on those we interact with each day.
 
As nervous as we all were when we the assignment was first given, the exercise was relatively painless because, as Sylvie said, most of us lied. In other words, we are generally nice people and we chose the nice things we could say about the other person. The judgments made in the real world, however, are not so concerned with preserving social capital, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the unvarnished truth would look like for me.
 
For me, one of the most telling parts of this experience was what raced through my own mind when I first realized what the nature of the exercise would be. “Will they see how insecure I feel today? This outfit makes me look frumpy. Will this be the moment they wonder how they ever let me in this amazing group?” Though fleeting, the thoughts were there and as I thought about them in the quiet moments since that evening, I have come to an eye-opening realization.
 
As much as we wish to be “labeled” by others in positive ways, the labels we place on ourselves have a powerful effect on the way we present ourselves to others, and thus, have a strong effect on the labels others subsequently place upon us. When we label ourselves as “incompetent”, “over our heads” or “less than”, we create an emotional vibration that is hard to hide. That emotion may affect how we dress, how we carry ourselves, or whether we are able to be completely present when someone is speaking to us, rather than wondering if this skirt really was the right choice.
 
Labeling is a game our brains are all wired to play…like it or not. But that doesn’t mean that a label cannot be changed. When a first impression is less than positive, Confirmation Bias, or the tendency for our brains to search for evidence that our initial impressions were correct, works against us. Not only do we seek to prove ourselves right, but we actually ignore signs that we may be wrong. This can be overcome only with a highly conscious effort to seek out the things we may be missing. The same is true when we try to change our own labels we have placed on ourselves.
 
Do you fear you are incompetent? Spend time actively looking for the ways that you are competent. Are you really over your head? Or can you find examples in your past where you have taken on new challenges and come out on top? Feeling less than? Start giving yourself credit for the unique ways in which you contribute to the world.
 
If you really feel you must label yourself, try on this label for size: You are unique, and talented. You have a gift to share that will make the world a better place to be. No one has your exact experiences or perspectives. No one has learned the same things you have learned in the way you have learned them. The world needs you. You are a divine creation of God. And that is the greatest label of all. 

“A beggar had been sitting by the side of a road for over thirty years. One day a stranger walked by. “Spare some change?” mumbled the beggar, mechanically holding out his old baseball cap. “I have nothing to give you,” said the stranger. Then he asked: “What’s that you are sitting on?” “Nothing,” replied the beggar. “Just an old box. I have been sitting on it for as long as I can remember.” “Ever looked inside?” asked the stranger. “No,” said the beggar. “What’s the point? There’s nothing in there.” “Have a look inside,” insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold.” (Excerpt from Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now)
 
It is fairly safe to say that at some point in your life, you have felt empty inside…as if there was nothing of value there. We have all been there. Some of us have wallowed there like hopeless beggars for far too much of our lives.
 
Today, I share Eckhart Tolle’s parable to help you see that you have been valuable all along. You have had the answers inside of you all along. You are resourced to accomplished your wildest, most passionate dreams, long before you knew you had them. That is the job of a good coach.
 
The best coach cannot choose your path, but they can help you discern it. The most experienced coach cannot give you their confidence, they must teach you how to develop it. The greatest of coaches cannot give you what you are looking for…they can only help you discover it within yourself.
 
The answers lie within you…today…this very hour. You have only to have enough faith to look inside the box.

By the end of May we will have married off 3 beautiful daughters. Each looked like princesses in their beautiful gowns, but the end result came after a lot of work, and frankly, a few tears. Multiple shopping trips, followed by endless tailoring appointments, got us closer and closer to creating the fairytale image they were seeking. In one desperate attempt to create the perfect fit, I wound up buying $900 (yes, you read that right) NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS worth of form-fitting shapers to achieve the perfect fit desired, breathing room being a luxury at this point. (Shout out to Kohl’s for their amazing return policy!)
 
Having “dress #3” ready to go, I breathed a sigh of relief and could not help but think about how this experience applies so accurately to the rest of our lives.
 
The world tells us what we should look like, act like, walk and talk like. It tells us when it thinks we are too short, tall, round, or thin. And all the while, we often find ourselves doing whatever it takes to mold ourselves into what others want us to be.
 
What if we allowed ourselves to simple be? What if we let our clothing fit us, rather than the other way around? What if we just embraced our way of walking and talking? Our height and breadth? What if we realized that believing we are “good enough” today does not prohibit us from being better tomorrow?
 
What if we stopped judging others and started loving them where they are…how they are…today…while still giving them breathing room to do, have, or be more tomorrow?
 
What if we realized that fairytales are simply that, and that life is lived by real, genuine, slightly broken, good-enough people, and that we are one of them?
 
So, put on your proverbial sweat pants, throw on your comfy shoes, and take a load off…off of your heart and mind, and realize that today, you can just be.
​