I don’t remember sneaking food until I was 8 years old…the year my parents divorced. Mom had taken on a full-time job, and went from teaching a few piano students a week to over 40. When she got home from her day job, she had to teach piano students into the night, and I would usually hang out in the basement, watching t.v. and supposedly doing homework until she finished.

I still remember keeping a large spoon in the laundry room where the freezer was kept so that I could take a large mouthful of whatever ice cream was calling my name at the moment, quickly returning the spoon to it’s hiding place. The sugary sweetness seemed a temporary reprieve from the anxiety I now felt regularly, though I didn’t understand why. I’d swallow the creamy goodness before anyone could discover my deceit, telling myself it was the last spoonful. But it never was “the last one.” I was ashamed of myself and didn’t know why I just didn’t seem to be able to stop.

That habit didn’t stop for decades. When anxiety became intense, I found myself secretly turning to my sugary cravings for distraction. I had no idea through those years that within that habit were two problems: I was aware that I needed to stop eating so much food. I feared being overweight, and dieted constantly to try to mitigate the damage I was doing to my body. What I didn’t realize was that the very act of sneaking was also damaging my soul.

In the process of finding peace with food, sneaking was one of the first things that had to go. As Geneen Roth says in her post Confessions of a Food Sneak, “Sneaking food perpetuates the belief that who you really are is unlovable, too intense, and must be hidden. Being sneaky about your feelings means not telling the truth. If you sneak food, chances are you tell other lies.” She couldn’t have been more accurate!
It wasn’t just food I was sneaking all of those years. It was my feelings. My thoughts. I constantly monitored the outside world to determine what words were safe to say, what thoughts were safe to think. If I ever dared to be myself for a moment and got a negative reaction, I recoiled from myself and tried harder to be what others thought I should be.
It should be no surprise then, that giving up the habit of sneaking food also meant giving up the sneakiness of hiding myself. I had to learn that not only was it OK to eat a brownie if I felt like it…in front of the whole world…it was also OK to have my own unique thoughts and opinions, whether it made others upset or not. Becoming transparent has been a process of learning to value myself…not just my own food preferences, but also my own thoughts, feelings, and needs.
As I started to claim my right to eat in front of others, it was just a matter of time before I started to realize that I didn’t always want brownies for lunch. I started to develop greater faith in myself. I am not an insatiable monster. Most of the time, I actually don’t want to keep eating when I’m full. Thus, it is usually quite easy to stop. There is room for progress, but my faith in myself continues to grow.
As I started to speak my truths to whoever needed to hear them, I started to realize that they were important for others to hear, even when they would be far more comfortable if I simply parroted their own minds back to them. I started to own my own truths, and allow them to own theirs. My self-esteem started to recover. The need to binge decreased with my willingness to speak my truth, and I literally stopped eating my own words.
The root of the word transparency is the Latin word transparentem, which means “see light through.” When I lived in a world of sneakiness, I felt surrounded by darkness. Becoming transparent has set my soul free and filled it with large amounts of light. Of my 10 Commandments that have become the guiding stars of my personal life, maybe nothing has been more life-changing than Commandment #2: Be Transparent.

 Oftentimes, people ask me how I got into public speaking and coaching. It’s a hard question to answer. The short answer is, I realized that there are many out there who need to know they are not alone, their worth has never changed, and they can come through their challenges having greater peace and faith than they ever thought possible. So I shared.
 
The things I have learned on this journey have shaped why and how I see the world, and if they can help make the journey of others more peaceful, why wouldn’t I share? Some of these lessons include: the importance to teach our children leadership skills, self-confidence, how to speak up for your needs, how to work through anxiety, and how to find peace with food, just to name a few. I’ve also learned that while our challenges are all different, the lessons we need to learn are very often the same. That’s how speaking and coaching became my passion.
 
Today, I share with you a link to a podcast interview I did this past week where I was asked to share my story of overcoming childhood sexual abuse.  Given that at least 1 in 10 children are sexually abused before reaching the age of 18, I imagine that it might be of help to you, whether you were a victim, or if it has impacted someone you love.  Please feel free to share with any whom you think would benefit.
 
As always, feel free to reach out to me if I can ever be of service to you.

​Listen to the podcast HERE. 
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This is one of the most powerful tools that I use and help my clients use to get to the root of emotional eating before it starts. All it takes is a little notebook, a little know how, and a little time. 
​I am confident it will help you on your journey From Food to Faith. 

The heavy five-gallon bucket stood before me like a troll, daring me to pass under this bridge alone.  The extra-tall walls of our living room, family room, office and bathroom seemed to plead with me, “Please…we are scratched, chipped, dented, and dark. Can’t you help us?” My past paint partners have moved on to have lives of their own. Now it was just the troll, the walls, and me and I knew this was going to take far longer than I wanted it to.
 
I tend to be a microwave woman. I want what I want when I want it. And in this case, I wanted to transform all of my walls from the 90’s browns and dark reds to a beautiful, light “Revere Pewter” with white trim…and I wanted it now. But the School of Hard Knocks has taught me that the things we most value in life aren’t made in microwaves. They are cooked long and slow. They take a process. They take time. For many years, I gritted my teeth through those processes, keeping the end goals in mind. But now, I wanted to see if I could actually choose to enjoy the process itself.
 
I don’t know how many of you have ever prayed over painting your house, but as I stared at the troll, I did. “Please help me enjoy the process of painting. Help me not be so anxious for the end result that I miss the pleasure of doing the actual painting.” I’m grateful to say, my prayers were answered.
 
As I looked for the pleasure of each moment, I discovered the thrill of seeing a patch of “90’s Brown” come to life as “Revere Pewter” began to take over. I loved seeing how it seemed to be a different color on each wall, as the light in the room played with my senses; I took pride as I cut a piece of trim with a nice, straight line; I listened to entertaining speakers, comedians, and music in my headphones; and something amazing happened: I was enjoying the process. I didn’t mind the time it took or the chaotic displacement of my furniture so much. I went to bed each night with sore muscles and a peaceful, content heart. And when the project was completed, I felt satisfied in a way that was different than the satisfaction I’ve gotten from the work of hired hands. My end result was actually better than those who were supposed to be “professionals”. Why? Because I cared about the final product. I took pride in, and was present in the process.
 
I have found the same lessons to apply in my own personal transformations. As I journey From Food to Faith I am learning to find peace in the process. Not only do I want the nutritious and delicious meals, I’m learning to take pleasure in chopping the foods and washing the dishes. Not only do I want to find myself at a healthy weight with a strong body, I’m learning to love the feel of lifting each weight, or the stretch of a tight muscle.
 
If we think that happiness is waiting at the end of a goal, we are fooling ourselves. As Geneen Roth says, who you are through the process is who you’ll be at the end of the process. If we don’t learn to find peace in the process of achieving our goals, we will not have peace when we find ourselves standing in the middle of them. If we don’t learn to find joy and peace in the processes that lead to our desired destination, my experience has taught me that we aren’t likely to stick with those processes enough to achieve or maintain those destinations!
 
Today I challenge you to notice the little things along the way that make you happy. Notice the beautiful designs of those vegetables you are chopping. Feel how alive your muscles feel as they move. Bathe in the calmness of letting limiting beliefs go. Then you will find joy now, not just at some future imagined moment. You will find happiness today, not just when your jeans fit again. You, my friend, will find peace in the process. 

​This weekend she brought with her a completely intact crab shell, legs and all, sharing with us what she learned about crab molting. I was fascinated, as I’d never known such a thing existed, and I quickly realized that I had some molting to do myself.
 
 Molting is the process of completely shedding ones outer layer, whether it be made of skin, feathers, hair…or in the case of crabs, a shell. I had seen molting in my experience with chickens, I have touched the discarded skin of snakes at the zoo, but I had no idea that crabs could somehow wiggle even their legs and tendons out of their crusty external shell. Nor did I know that unless they do so, they will suffocate and die, rather than continue to grow.
 
How many times in my life have I felt that I absolutely must change and grow, or I would suffocate and die? That raw and emotional place before one molts is a painful place to be. For me, it usually entails knowing I cannot live another minute in my current self, but not knowing if growth is even possible…not knowing if I have the courage or strength to break out of my old shell…and if I do, how will I survive the vulnerability of waiting for my new shell to harden before I am destroyed?
 
Is there a name for the emotional angst that comes with the need to molt? Google doesn’t seem to think so. Perhaps that is because for animals it is not an emotional issue. For us humans, there are words such as anxiety, emotional discord, and cognitive dissonance, but none of those words seem to capture the emotional torture and transformation that seems to be implied in the human process of molting.
 
I have felt the anxiety of a pending molt when I knew it was time to walk away from my abuser. I felt it when I knew I must care for my health but could never diet again. I have felt it any number of times when I’ve had to leave some of the ways of the world behind to free my spirit and grow. Each time I was miserable. Each time I was terrified. And each time it was worth it.
 
The moment you finally break free from your old shell and realize that you will never go back, is nothing short of liberating! It is like you can finally take a deep breath, bend your limbs, and move without restriction. And though it takes time for your sensitive exterior to toughen up, before long you find an increased level of peace and comfort in the world that you’d forgotten was possible.  You’ve molted!
 
In your newfound joy, don’t forget that as surely as the last molting was crucial to your growth, so too will be the next. So don’t be surprised when you find yourself starting to feel a little cramped in your new emotional living space.
 
Today, I pass on Laurel’s questions to you:
 
What do you need to shed?
Is it an old, outdated view of yourself? Is it resentment, fear, or shame? Are there habits you need to leave behind or new ones to adopt? Are there people holding you back or knowledge you desperately need?
 
How do you need God to help you?
I once tried to exercise my faith that if I prayed fervently enough, God would remove my extra pounds overnight. I say “tried” because neither God, nor I, were all that surprised when it was still there in the morning. I knew that God was willing to help me, but perhaps just not in the way I wanted at the time. God is the ultimate parent. He will do nothing for us that we can do for ourselves, though He knows there is plenty that we are not capable of at the moment, and He stands ready and willing to do the heavy lifting.
 
What do you need to do to fulfill your part?
In the Doctrine and Covenants we read, “There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” Which blessing do you need? What are the natural laws you will have to obey in order to receive that blessing?
 
God gave me a vision of who I really was, a booster of spiritual strength, and internal peace about my decision, but I had to be the one to physically and emotionally walk away from my abuser. When we come to accept our part of the responsibilities for the growth we are seeking…when we are finally willing to obey the law upon which it is predicated, we will in fact receive the blessing.
 
It is time, as it often is, for me to molt. I’m grateful that our loving Heavenly Father is there to provide a vision of the next step, give me strength to break my old shell, and courage to be vulnerable as my new shell hardens. I am grateful, once again, for the process of molting.

There are times in one's life, that change you forever. In my experience, these are not grandiose moments, worthy of media coverage. They are not noised to the world in any way. At least for me, they have been quiet, earth-shattering moments, that have changed my heart forever. And at those moments, no one in the world knew I was a different person forevermore...except for me. 

One such moment came when I was a freshman in college. I had been sexually abused by a teacher since midway through my 9th grade year and had been too weak...too naive...to afraid of abandonment to do anything about it. But as I grew and matured, and began finding my own voice, I knew I could not live another day as things were. It would change, or I would die trying. 

That was the first time I ever went to my bishop for help. I was beyond terrified. I feared my life, as I knew it, would end. But the misery I had lived with for four years compelled me to move forward...to do whatever it took. I cannot adequately describe what happened in that meeting. I was probably in his office for less than an hour. But when I walked outside of that church building and headed for my car, I was a changed human being. Completely and utterly changed. I felt peace I had not known in many years. I felt strength I didn't know was possible. And I knew that I would never allow myself to be taken advantage of again. 

In the October 1985 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, then-Elder Ezra Taft Benson made a statement that I surely didn't understand at the time, but in time would become one of my favorite quotes. Why? Because I lived it. He said, "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." (Ezra Taft Benson, Conference Report, October 1985, pp. 5-6)

Once I walked out of that church that night, I was never molested again. Why? It certainly wasn't because this teacher had changed. She had not. And she did all in her power to manipulate me for several months. Did it work? It did not. In fact, I was so strengthened by the Lord's spirit, that I was able to stand strong, even at steep costs. For the first time in my life, I was willing to stand 100% alone. 

How could my life be changed in one hour? How could I change from being completely manipulatable to standing like a rock? Because in that hour, I was filled with the knowledge of His love. I knew of my own worth. I saw a better life for myself. In short, the Lord took the slum out of Becky Ivory. After that, it was practically easy to take myself out of the slum. I knew I didn't belong there in the first place. My very nature had been changed. 

If you find yourself living in the slums of life, my best advise to you is to stop focusing on the outside, and let the Savior of the World begin to work on your from the inside out. Be willing to do whatever He asks, and I know that He will show you the light and brilliance and beauty that is you. He will take the slums out of you, and you, in turn, will find yourself with the strength, the courage, and the light, to finally take yourself out of the slums. 

​The Diving Bell Spider is the only species of spider to live almost entirely underwater. Though it is not amphibious, it rests, mates, catches and eats its prey, lays eggs and winters all under water.
How can it do this if it still needs to oxygen to live? Simple…ok…simple for her. She surfaces only long enough to trap oxygen in the fine hairs of her abdomen, and then stores that oxygen in an intricate silk web underwater. Each trip to the surface replenishes her supply and adds to her collection. In this self-made home-sweet-home, the Diving Bell Spider has learned to adapt to an environment normally hostile to survival to one such as her, but Bell…my hero…has found her own unique way.
In the quest to find peace from destructive behaviors and beliefs, there are naysayers everywhere. People come out of the woodwork to crush your dreams, or share their own stories of failure, as if you should “not get your hopes up too high.” We hear statistics on the number of people with eating disorders, failed business attempts, divorces, and relapses. It’s enough to make you tear down your web before you even start to weave it.
But Bell doesn’t listen to the killjoys of the surface. Instead, she makes her home in the depths of the impossible, where the neighbors are distant, the water is clean, and the fishing is fantastic.
I’ll be the first to admit that when I run up against obstacles, my first thoughts tend to resemble more of  the “I can’t” model. But, like my friend Bell, I’m here to tell you that it is possible to challenge those thoughts and turn them into powerful considerations of “how can I?”
We can fill our bubble with life-promoting oxygen, like spiritual strength, good people, and true principles, that will keep us going regardless of how threatening our surroundings may be. And, just like Bell, we must replenish those supplies continually…never assuming that we’ve arrived in some super-bubble state that will protect us for life. Thank you, Bell, for reminding me that we can live a life of success and significance, and that peace, like oxygen, must be cultivated and sought after, one breath at a time.