It’s a simple piece of equipment that the exercise physiologist gave my husband to strengthen his core and support his overly-aged back. Knowing my core was a bit on the flabby side, I decided to join him on his journey. Using the pressure monitor, we performed various core strengthening exercises that used muscles we didn’t know we had.
The instructions stated that we were not to move on to the next exercise until we had mastered doing the previous one with precise form. In only a few days we mastered exercise #1 and moved on to #2. Ken quickly progressed through exercises #3 and returned for more instruction, while I continued to feel like a newborn giraffe learning to walk.
When he arrived home, he began showing me the next exercises in my future, when suddenly I found myself feeling angry, hopeless, and wanting to give up.  “What the heck is going on?” I thought to myself. “There’s nothing wrong. Why am I feeling this way?” Within just a few short minutes, I felt ready to throw in the towel. “I’ll never get any better. I’m doomed to be fat and out-of-shape. Why even bother?” Luckily for me, I am well-rehearsed in A-B-C-D journaling so I grabbed my handy notebook and scriptures, and went out to the living room to process my emotions.
It didn’t take long to recognize some of the old thought distortions that had taken over my mind…old beliefs that I thought I had banished for good. As I recognized and challenged those old beliefs once again, I could see how I was comparing myself and my progress to someone else. I was expecting years of inactivity and poor choices to be reversed in a matter of days…or at least weeks!
Clearly seeing my distorted beliefs, I was now free to replace them once again with the truth: I am not competing with anyone else. Consistency compounds. Enjoy the journey! Already, I was feeling at peace once again.
Then I opened my scriptures. Would you be surprised if I told you that there on the page was a direct message from my Heavenly Father? Would you be even more surprised if I told you that He sent that message through His servant, Isaiah?
“Awake, awake, put on thy strength…Put on thy beautiful garments…for henceforth there shall no more come into thee the uncircumcised and the unclean. Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down…loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”
I was reminded once again that we are all daughters and sons of God. That makes us royalty. With the Lord, we are strong, even when we feel weak. Sometimes we find ourselves lying in the dust, chains about our neck, captive to the will of the flesh or the beliefs of the world.
Today is the perfect time to awake…to not allow unclean thoughts and beliefs to enter our minds any longer. It is time to stand up, shake off the dust, break the chains that have bound us, and take our place as rightful heirs to the blessings of God.
Because you’re human, I know that you have distorted beliefs about yourself. I know there are times when you believe you aren’t worth it…that you will never succeed…that all is hopeless. We all do. My hope for you is that you will learn how to recognize, challenge, and replace those thoughts. Awake! Don’t allow lies into your head any longer. Arise! Don’t wallow in the dust like captives to the beliefs of the world.  You are a child of God. Come. Arise, and take your proper place.

The heavy five-gallon bucket stood before me like a troll, daring me to pass under this bridge alone.  The extra-tall walls of our living room, family room, office and bathroom seemed to plead with me, “Please…we are scratched, chipped, dented, and dark. Can’t you help us?” My past paint partners have moved on to have lives of their own. Now it was just the troll, the walls, and me and I knew this was going to take far longer than I wanted it to.
 
I tend to be a microwave woman. I want what I want when I want it. And in this case, I wanted to transform all of my walls from the 90’s browns and dark reds to a beautiful, light “Revere Pewter” with white trim…and I wanted it now. But the School of Hard Knocks has taught me that the things we most value in life aren’t made in microwaves. They are cooked long and slow. They take a process. They take time. For many years, I gritted my teeth through those processes, keeping the end goals in mind. But now, I wanted to see if I could actually choose to enjoy the process itself.
 
I don’t know how many of you have ever prayed over painting your house, but as I stared at the troll, I did. “Please help me enjoy the process of painting. Help me not be so anxious for the end result that I miss the pleasure of doing the actual painting.” I’m grateful to say, my prayers were answered.
 
As I looked for the pleasure of each moment, I discovered the thrill of seeing a patch of “90’s Brown” come to life as “Revere Pewter” began to take over. I loved seeing how it seemed to be a different color on each wall, as the light in the room played with my senses; I took pride as I cut a piece of trim with a nice, straight line; I listened to entertaining speakers, comedians, and music in my headphones; and something amazing happened: I was enjoying the process. I didn’t mind the time it took or the chaotic displacement of my furniture so much. I went to bed each night with sore muscles and a peaceful, content heart. And when the project was completed, I felt satisfied in a way that was different than the satisfaction I’ve gotten from the work of hired hands. My end result was actually better than those who were supposed to be “professionals”. Why? Because I cared about the final product. I took pride in, and was present in the process.
 
I have found the same lessons to apply in my own personal transformations. As I journey From Food to Faith I am learning to find peace in the process. Not only do I want the nutritious and delicious meals, I’m learning to take pleasure in chopping the foods and washing the dishes. Not only do I want to find myself at a healthy weight with a strong body, I’m learning to love the feel of lifting each weight, or the stretch of a tight muscle.
 
If we think that happiness is waiting at the end of a goal, we are fooling ourselves. As Geneen Roth says, who you are through the process is who you’ll be at the end of the process. If we don’t learn to find peace in the process of achieving our goals, we will not have peace when we find ourselves standing in the middle of them. If we don’t learn to find joy and peace in the processes that lead to our desired destination, my experience has taught me that we aren’t likely to stick with those processes enough to achieve or maintain those destinations!
 
Today I challenge you to notice the little things along the way that make you happy. Notice the beautiful designs of those vegetables you are chopping. Feel how alive your muscles feel as they move. Bathe in the calmness of letting limiting beliefs go. Then you will find joy now, not just at some future imagined moment. You will find happiness today, not just when your jeans fit again. You, my friend, will find peace in the process. 

How great can one person become? Does it depend on how much you've been loved? Does it depend on how much education, money, or free time you have? Does it depend on your weight? Height? Skin color? I am here to attest, it absolutely does NOT.
 
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Everyone can be great, because anyone can serve." Serving makes us great. Serving fills us with love. Serving makes us happy, and anyone can do it.
 
You can serve at ANYTIME. Even now, as I write this alone in a motel room, I can think kind things of others, send uplifting texts, go for a walk and smile at the people I meet. I can express gratitude to the teenager handing me my lunch order, or the waiter filling my glass of water.
 
Too often we think that "serving" has to entail a lot of time, which we are already short on. I believe that some of the best service you can give someone is your focus. SEE them. HEAR them. Recently I attended a beautiful reception in my husband’s honor. I’m so proud of him and the contributions he makes to our society. I am also used to attending these functions where I know practically no one, and I am perfectly happy to blend into the background. At one point, as I stood outside a circle that was gathered around my husband to congratulate him, a lovely woman glanced back and saw that I was there. She immediately took a couple of steps back and made me a part of the circle. I thought to myself, “What a kind thing to do!” and I doubt she has any idea how that simple action served me…how it said without words, “You belong here.”
 
Recently the movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood has taken the nation by storm. There is no swearing. No violence. No inappropriate scenes. But those are the things usually throws into movies to make them sell. So why is this movie about a man who made children’s television shows so popular? I suggest it is because
Mr. Rogers knew how to love people. He saw them. He heard them. He cared about the person in front of him at every given moment.  
 
I think we all would like to “be great” in some way. We all want to leave a positive mark on the world. My husband has a saying that he tells our kids often, "Be good. Be great." I love that saying because it is not about setting unachievable expectations. That's simply teaching our children to serve. It’s a reminder that greatness isn’t achieved by money or fame. Greatness is having a heart to love others. And everyone can be great because anyone can serve.

I grew up with what today is known as “anxiety”. Back in the 70s, I had never even heard the word, but from as far back as I can remember, I was always walking on eggshells. Always afraid of being rejected, I tried to be perfect in everything I said and did. Knowing that I was horribly far away from my goal of perfection, I was constantly filled with the fear that I would never, ever be “good enough”…whatever that means.
 
A wise therapist once told me, “anxiety is caused by inaccurate expectations.” How right he was! ​I wrongly expected that I could be perfect. And yet we know that no mortal has ever been perfect on this earth, and no one is going to be perfect in the future either. Expecting the impossible is the perfect recipe for anxiety.
 
In my fear, I found myself constantly asking the question, what if? What if I mess it up? What if they don’t like me? What if I make the wrong decision? What if my best intentions fail? With that type of questioning, it’s no wonder I felt frozen with fear at times…afraid to move forward at all. I knew that fear was a recipe for disaster. I wanted to be positive but I just didn’t know how to turn it around.
 
Over the years I’ve learned that “what if” is actually the perfect question to ask if you want to live a positive life. The trick is to ask it while looking forward to all of the positive things that could be in store. What if I’m successful? What if I can make a new friend at this event? What if this step is the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for? What if tonight I go to bed realizing how blessed I really am?
 
“What if” can be the catalyst for positive thoughts, which can lead to positive actions, which can lead to positive outcomes.
 
So the next time you find yourself “what if-ing” yourself into a frenzy, try turning the negative around and practice imagining all of the things that could go right in your day today. It’s a powerful way to introduce yourself into the world of the peaceful…the joyous…and the world of success!

Google estimates that there are 552,000 therapists in the United States. That seems about right, as I’ve kept a handful of them busy throughout my adulthood. I’m sure I’ve paid off more than one student loan in my quest to correct the thinking errors I accumulated throughout my life. Do I mind? Not at all. God bless therapists!
 
In all of my years sitting on office coaches, sometimes with a tissue in one hand and a notebook in the other, I’ve heard a lot of valuable words. Words like boundaries, transference, cognitive, and subconscious have become a part of my vocabulary. But by far, my most favorite word I’ve ever learned in therapy is next.
 
You see, no matter what has happened to you in your past…no matter what you’ve seen, heard, felt, or done, it is all in the past. This does not mean we cannot learn from it. Indeed, I believe it is crucial that we do in order to avoid repeating those patterns in the future. But it does not mean we have to continue to live in the past.
 
When old beliefs of failure, inadequacy, or powerlessness arise in our minds, we can simply recognize them, acknowledge that they are there, realize that those are feelings we used to feel and beliefs we used to believe, and then choose to move on to live the life that is before us now. Like a Broadway director sifting through singers in an audition, we can brush aside unwanted beliefs with a strong and resolute, “Next?”  
 
Because there is a “next”! Our past doesn’t have to equal our future. Being powerless as a child does not resign us to be powerless adults. Having dark, or lonely, or fearful chapters as the beginning of our story does not have to equal a sad and dismal ending? WE HAVE A CHOICE.
 
Perhaps it is time in your life to really look at the things that affected you in the past. Acknowledge that they are there…that they affected you…that they hurt and that you did not like them. It’s OK. The world won’t fall apart if you admit that your family wasn’t perfect…that you’ve made some big mistakes. Welcome to the world, my friend. All aboard! Then once you have made peace with your past, it is time to look toward the future, and declare what is perhaps the most beautiful word in the English language: “next?”

​No amount of professional smiles could hide the terror I saw in my fellow public speakers, or felt in myself, when Sylvie di Giusto announced just what was coming next. We would spend the next 5 minutes walking around the room with a sheet of white sticky labels in one hand and a pen in the other, and purposely pass snap judgments on one another.
 
Sylvie had already done an expert job of explaining that first impressions are made in only 7 seconds and it was our turn to share our first impressions of our colleagues. As we approached someone, we quickly wrote the first word that came to our mind when we saw that person, peeled off the label, and placed it on their back, saving a measure of “face” for everyone involved.  In 5 short minutes, we were left with a handful of literal and figurative “labels” to categorize and make sense of, and to ponder the sort of first impression we make on those we interact with each day.
 
As nervous as we all were when we the assignment was first given, the exercise was relatively painless because, as Sylvie said, most of us lied. In other words, we are generally nice people and we chose the nice things we could say about the other person. The judgments made in the real world, however, are not so concerned with preserving social capital, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the unvarnished truth would look like for me.
 
For me, one of the most telling parts of this experience was what raced through my own mind when I first realized what the nature of the exercise would be. “Will they see how insecure I feel today? This outfit makes me look frumpy. Will this be the moment they wonder how they ever let me in this amazing group?” Though fleeting, the thoughts were there and as I thought about them in the quiet moments since that evening, I have come to an eye-opening realization.
 
As much as we wish to be “labeled” by others in positive ways, the labels we place on ourselves have a powerful effect on the way we present ourselves to others, and thus, have a strong effect on the labels others subsequently place upon us. When we label ourselves as “incompetent”, “over our heads” or “less than”, we create an emotional vibration that is hard to hide. That emotion may affect how we dress, how we carry ourselves, or whether we are able to be completely present when someone is speaking to us, rather than wondering if this skirt really was the right choice.
 
Labeling is a game our brains are all wired to play…like it or not. But that doesn’t mean that a label cannot be changed. When a first impression is less than positive, Confirmation Bias, or the tendency for our brains to search for evidence that our initial impressions were correct, works against us. Not only do we seek to prove ourselves right, but we actually ignore signs that we may be wrong. This can be overcome only with a highly conscious effort to seek out the things we may be missing. The same is true when we try to change our own labels we have placed on ourselves.
 
Do you fear you are incompetent? Spend time actively looking for the ways that you are competent. Are you really over your head? Or can you find examples in your past where you have taken on new challenges and come out on top? Feeling less than? Start giving yourself credit for the unique ways in which you contribute to the world.
 
If you really feel you must label yourself, try on this label for size: You are unique, and talented. You have a gift to share that will make the world a better place to be. No one has your exact experiences or perspectives. No one has learned the same things you have learned in the way you have learned them. The world needs you. You are a divine creation of God. And that is the greatest label of all. 

By the end of May we will have married off 3 beautiful daughters. Each looked like princesses in their beautiful gowns, but the end result came after a lot of work, and frankly, a few tears. Multiple shopping trips, followed by endless tailoring appointments, got us closer and closer to creating the fairytale image they were seeking. In one desperate attempt to create the perfect fit, I wound up buying $900 (yes, you read that right) NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS worth of form-fitting shapers to achieve the perfect fit desired, breathing room being a luxury at this point. (Shout out to Kohl’s for their amazing return policy!)
 
Having “dress #3” ready to go, I breathed a sigh of relief and could not help but think about how this experience applies so accurately to the rest of our lives.
 
The world tells us what we should look like, act like, walk and talk like. It tells us when it thinks we are too short, tall, round, or thin. And all the while, we often find ourselves doing whatever it takes to mold ourselves into what others want us to be.
 
What if we allowed ourselves to simple be? What if we let our clothing fit us, rather than the other way around? What if we just embraced our way of walking and talking? Our height and breadth? What if we realized that believing we are “good enough” today does not prohibit us from being better tomorrow?
 
What if we stopped judging others and started loving them where they are…how they are…today…while still giving them breathing room to do, have, or be more tomorrow?
 
What if we realized that fairytales are simply that, and that life is lived by real, genuine, slightly broken, good-enough people, and that we are one of them?
 
So, put on your proverbial sweat pants, throw on your comfy shoes, and take a load off…off of your heart and mind, and realize that today, you can just be.
​

​John was an awkward kid in my college psychology class. I felt bad for him and decided to say “hi” every day as I entered the room. Little did I know that one simple act would convince John that I was “the one” for him. He began buying me presents, sending anonymous flowers with invitations to join “my secret admirer” at darkened restaurants, and I did not know how to get rid of him. He scared me. When he stared me down for 4 hours at a reunion, I actually changed my phone number and installed a security system. I’m afraid that Jim never learned what a healthy relationship really is.
 
I used to think I loved food too much, seeing how I couldn’t stop obsessing about it, wanting it, eating it, or at a bare minimum, thinking about it. In reality, my former relationship with food was anything but love. It was less An Affair to Remember and more like Fatal Attraction. Real love is nurturing, kind, selfless and healthy. What I felt for food was destructive, consuming, and wavered between obsession and hatred. For many years, I was seldom hungry and often full. That didn’t always stop my need to keep eating. You see, I was always full, but I never satisfied.

What does it mean to be satisfied? Merriam-Webster tells us it means to be “pleased or content with what has been experienced or received.” When I binged on food, I was never satisfied. As the old saying goes, “one was too many and a thousands was never enough.” The minute I started, I could not stop until it was physically impossible to eat any more. Mentally, the beating never stopped.
 
Needless to say, I was very surprised to learn that satisfaction was such an important part of the process of developing a healthy relationship with food. So what does it take to be “pleased or content” with what our body actually needs?
 
​First, we have to be eating for the right reasons. No amount of food (or alcohol, or drugs, or overworking, etc.) will ever calm a troubled heart or mind. It can distract, but it will never bring peace. No amount of food can solve a problem, unless that problem is hunger.
 
Second, in order to find satisfaction with our eating experiences, we must become committed to honoring the God-given signals of our bodies: hunger and fullness. Getting overly hungry or overly full are both equally miserable. But there is a healthy range of hunger and fullness, and finding that range more consistently brings more satisfaction.
 
Third, choosing food we love is critical to our satisfaction levels. If you don’t love it, don’t eat it. If you eat it, savor it!
 
Fourth, our bodies love a large variety of foods. When we take our cues purely from our minds, we convince ourselves that what we really want are endless supplies of ice cream, cakes or cookies. When we learn to really listen to and honor our bodies, we soon discover that our bodies are crying out for a large variety of foods. Study after study shows that when we eat the same things over and over, our satisfaction goes down.
 
Learning to find satisfaction is one of the great joys of learning to be an intuitive eater. In fact, it is one of the great joys of life. The first time I realized I didn’t want to finish my dessert was nothing short of miraculous. I had finally experienced for myself what it means to actually be satisfied with food.
 
Now, when I’m faced with the choice of being full or satisfied, I realize that it’s like the choice between an obsessive relationship, with its illusions of happiness and connection, verses the quiet, calm, steady, secure relationship of true love.  It took a long time to recognize it…to value it…and to realize that I deserved it, but now I know that being full can never hold a candle to the experience of being satisfied. 

As Linda’s car pulled up in the driveway, I saw her break out in a big beautiful laugh as she quickly locked all of her doors and sat in her currently dry condition, pondering how to keep it that way.
 
What happened next surprised me. Rather than threatening us within an inch of our lives, which is what would likely have happened at my house, she simply decided there was no avoiding it, grabbed her purse, and bolted for the house as quickly as she could. She got no more than 5 feet before she looked like a drowning kitten, but she was laughing hysterically all the way into the house and for the rest of the evening.
 
I couldn’t believe it! Not only did she not get angry with us, she actually embraced it, and us in the process.
 
The final step in the Fish! Philosophy that unleashes your potential and that of those around you is the concept of Play. Too often we take ourselves far too seriously. We forget that every task, no matter how simple or repetitive, can be fun if we make up our minds to make it be.
 
Can you add a little play into your work? Your home life? Into the way you cook, shop, or clean? In my Intuitive Eating Group Meetings, we even turned our quest to change our relationship with food into a game! Playing releases powerful endorphins that create feelings of connection and satisfaction, leaving everyone involved better off in the end.
 
So when life seems a little overwhelming, perhaps you can consider implementing the Fish! Philosophy of Play into your day!

​By implementing the Fish! Philosophy in your life, you tap into your unique power to transform your life into what you have always wanted it to be. Contact me to learn how private coaching can speed up your move toward your goals.

How you choose to spend the seconds within those days is up to you. You can be the person who just does what they have to do, or you can be the person who impacts; the person who creates significance…that adds value, lifts up, and that is there for someone else for one of their 365 days this year.
 
If you do that often enough in your relationships, in your friendships, in your marriage, with your kids, with your mom and dad, with your brothers and sisters, with your aunts and uncles, your neighbors, with the man or woman at the grocery store, with your community, you will become world famous to them.
 
Most of us can’t imagine the rewards we get by living a “world famous” life. For sure, you will make somebody else’s day, but you know what? There’s more than that. When you begin to recognize your true potential, your true power to make somebody else’s day, as you begin to tap into the resources of curiosity and imagination, you begin to realize and believe in your own significance.
 
You have significance. You have the power to add meaning to somebody else’s life. When you realize this, then your own life will never be the same again.  When you look in the mirror, you will see something different within you. You will see a power inside of you that can impact anybody you come in contact with.
 
It’s a choice we can make. And not only do we enrich the lives of other people, we enrich our own lives in the process. So to paraphrase Clint Eastwood, go ahead, make their day

​By implementing the Fish! Philosophy in your home or organization, you empower others to make a significant difference in the lives around them. This dramatically improves relationships with family, coworkers, clients and community. Discover how to transform your organization today.