I don’t remember sneaking food until I was 8 years old…the year my parents divorced. Mom had taken on a full-time job, and went from teaching a few piano students a week to over 40. When she got home from her day job, she had to teach piano students into the night, and I would usually hang out in the basement, watching t.v. and supposedly doing homework until she finished.

I still remember keeping a large spoon in the laundry room where the freezer was kept so that I could take a large mouthful of whatever ice cream was calling my name at the moment, quickly returning the spoon to it’s hiding place. The sugary sweetness seemed a temporary reprieve from the anxiety I now felt regularly, though I didn’t understand why. I’d swallow the creamy goodness before anyone could discover my deceit, telling myself it was the last spoonful. But it never was “the last one.” I was ashamed of myself and didn’t know why I just didn’t seem to be able to stop.

That habit didn’t stop for decades. When anxiety became intense, I found myself secretly turning to my sugary cravings for distraction. I had no idea through those years that within that habit were two problems: I was aware that I needed to stop eating so much food. I feared being overweight, and dieted constantly to try to mitigate the damage I was doing to my body. What I didn’t realize was that the very act of sneaking was also damaging my soul.

In the process of finding peace with food, sneaking was one of the first things that had to go. As Geneen Roth says in her post Confessions of a Food Sneak, “Sneaking food perpetuates the belief that who you really are is unlovable, too intense, and must be hidden. Being sneaky about your feelings means not telling the truth. If you sneak food, chances are you tell other lies.” She couldn’t have been more accurate!
It wasn’t just food I was sneaking all of those years. It was my feelings. My thoughts. I constantly monitored the outside world to determine what words were safe to say, what thoughts were safe to think. If I ever dared to be myself for a moment and got a negative reaction, I recoiled from myself and tried harder to be what others thought I should be.
It should be no surprise then, that giving up the habit of sneaking food also meant giving up the sneakiness of hiding myself. I had to learn that not only was it OK to eat a brownie if I felt like it…in front of the whole world…it was also OK to have my own unique thoughts and opinions, whether it made others upset or not. Becoming transparent has been a process of learning to value myself…not just my own food preferences, but also my own thoughts, feelings, and needs.
As I started to claim my right to eat in front of others, it was just a matter of time before I started to realize that I didn’t always want brownies for lunch. I started to develop greater faith in myself. I am not an insatiable monster. Most of the time, I actually don’t want to keep eating when I’m full. Thus, it is usually quite easy to stop. There is room for progress, but my faith in myself continues to grow.
As I started to speak my truths to whoever needed to hear them, I started to realize that they were important for others to hear, even when they would be far more comfortable if I simply parroted their own minds back to them. I started to own my own truths, and allow them to own theirs. My self-esteem started to recover. The need to binge decreased with my willingness to speak my truth, and I literally stopped eating my own words.
The root of the word transparency is the Latin word transparentem, which means “see light through.” When I lived in a world of sneakiness, I felt surrounded by darkness. Becoming transparent has set my soul free and filled it with large amounts of light. Of my 10 Commandments that have become the guiding stars of my personal life, maybe nothing has been more life-changing than Commandment #2: Be Transparent.

This is one of the most powerful tools that I use and help my clients use to get to the root of emotional eating before it starts. All it takes is a little notebook, a little know how, and a little time. 
​I am confident it will help you on your journey From Food to Faith.