It’s a simple piece of equipment that the exercise physiologist gave my husband to strengthen his core and support his overly-aged back. Knowing my core was a bit on the flabby side, I decided to join him on his journey. Using the pressure monitor, we performed various core strengthening exercises that used muscles we didn’t know we had.
The instructions stated that we were not to move on to the next exercise until we had mastered doing the previous one with precise form. In only a few days we mastered exercise #1 and moved on to #2. Ken quickly progressed through exercises #3 and returned for more instruction, while I continued to feel like a newborn giraffe learning to walk.
When he arrived home, he began showing me the next exercises in my future, when suddenly I found myself feeling angry, hopeless, and wanting to give up.  “What the heck is going on?” I thought to myself. “There’s nothing wrong. Why am I feeling this way?” Within just a few short minutes, I felt ready to throw in the towel. “I’ll never get any better. I’m doomed to be fat and out-of-shape. Why even bother?” Luckily for me, I am well-rehearsed in A-B-C-D journaling so I grabbed my handy notebook and scriptures, and went out to the living room to process my emotions.
It didn’t take long to recognize some of the old thought distortions that had taken over my mind…old beliefs that I thought I had banished for good. As I recognized and challenged those old beliefs once again, I could see how I was comparing myself and my progress to someone else. I was expecting years of inactivity and poor choices to be reversed in a matter of days…or at least weeks!
Clearly seeing my distorted beliefs, I was now free to replace them once again with the truth: I am not competing with anyone else. Consistency compounds. Enjoy the journey! Already, I was feeling at peace once again.
Then I opened my scriptures. Would you be surprised if I told you that there on the page was a direct message from my Heavenly Father? Would you be even more surprised if I told you that He sent that message through His servant, Isaiah?
“Awake, awake, put on thy strength…Put on thy beautiful garments…for henceforth there shall no more come into thee the uncircumcised and the unclean. Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down…loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”
I was reminded once again that we are all daughters and sons of God. That makes us royalty. With the Lord, we are strong, even when we feel weak. Sometimes we find ourselves lying in the dust, chains about our neck, captive to the will of the flesh or the beliefs of the world.
Today is the perfect time to awake…to not allow unclean thoughts and beliefs to enter our minds any longer. It is time to stand up, shake off the dust, break the chains that have bound us, and take our place as rightful heirs to the blessings of God.
Because you’re human, I know that you have distorted beliefs about yourself. I know there are times when you believe you aren’t worth it…that you will never succeed…that all is hopeless. We all do. My hope for you is that you will learn how to recognize, challenge, and replace those thoughts. Awake! Don’t allow lies into your head any longer. Arise! Don’t wallow in the dust like captives to the beliefs of the world.  You are a child of God. Come. Arise, and take your proper place.

How great can one person become? Does it depend on how much you've been loved? Does it depend on how much education, money, or free time you have? Does it depend on your weight? Height? Skin color? I am here to attest, it absolutely does NOT.
 
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Everyone can be great, because anyone can serve." Serving makes us great. Serving fills us with love. Serving makes us happy, and anyone can do it.
 
You can serve at ANYTIME. Even now, as I write this alone in a motel room, I can think kind things of others, send uplifting texts, go for a walk and smile at the people I meet. I can express gratitude to the teenager handing me my lunch order, or the waiter filling my glass of water.
 
Too often we think that "serving" has to entail a lot of time, which we are already short on. I believe that some of the best service you can give someone is your focus. SEE them. HEAR them. Recently I attended a beautiful reception in my husband’s honor. I’m so proud of him and the contributions he makes to our society. I am also used to attending these functions where I know practically no one, and I am perfectly happy to blend into the background. At one point, as I stood outside a circle that was gathered around my husband to congratulate him, a lovely woman glanced back and saw that I was there. She immediately took a couple of steps back and made me a part of the circle. I thought to myself, “What a kind thing to do!” and I doubt she has any idea how that simple action served me…how it said without words, “You belong here.”
 
Recently the movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood has taken the nation by storm. There is no swearing. No violence. No inappropriate scenes. But those are the things usually throws into movies to make them sell. So why is this movie about a man who made children’s television shows so popular? I suggest it is because
Mr. Rogers knew how to love people. He saw them. He heard them. He cared about the person in front of him at every given moment.  
 
I think we all would like to “be great” in some way. We all want to leave a positive mark on the world. My husband has a saying that he tells our kids often, "Be good. Be great." I love that saying because it is not about setting unachievable expectations. That's simply teaching our children to serve. It’s a reminder that greatness isn’t achieved by money or fame. Greatness is having a heart to love others. And everyone can be great because anyone can serve.

​I must be the world’s worst plant owner. I do have plants, but my kids will tell you, don’t give me something that needs a lot of fussing. You’re bound to end up with sticks in dirt. For some reason, remembering to give it a little drink of water now and then just seems like an insurmountable task.
 
I do have one plant that I bought back in 1991 that is still alive, despite my multiple attempt to kill it with neglect. It has been brought back from the dead more times than people in the New Testament. I have literally left it in the garage until it was nothing more than a lonely stick in a pot of dust, and yet when my inner-scientist chose to begin throwing some water on it, it amazed us all with its ability to forgive…to bounce back…to survive. It has earned its rightful place in our home.
 
Perhaps my weakness with plants is God’s way of teaching me that when we water and nourish a thing, it grows. And when we neglect it…that’s right…it turns into the Sahara and withers away.  The same is true with habits…all habits…whether good or bad. That which we give our time and attention to grows. That which we ignore and leave unattended will dry up and disappear like last year’s reality show.
 
When we are striving to develop new habits in our lives, it can often seem daunting to give it the little bit of attention it may require. But ask yourself this? Which habits are you watering? And which habits are you neglecting? Every time you water an old habit that you would rather put in the compose bin, you keep it alive a little longer. And every time you nourish a new and improved habit, whose fruit you long to enjoy, you also keep it alive a little longer. With consistency of time and attention, the new habit will send roots deep into the earth, developing resiliency, absorbing more nutrients, and providing sweeter, more plentiful fruit.
 
And might I add that when we invite the Savior to join us in our efforts, He supplies us with the living water that can breathe life back into deadest of sticks. It’s as simple as that.  So…which habits will you water?

There are times in one's life, that change you forever. In my experience, these are not grandiose moments, worthy of media coverage. They are not noised to the world in any way. At least for me, they have been quiet, earth-shattering moments, that have changed my heart forever. And at those moments, no one in the world knew I was a different person forevermore...except for me. 

One such moment came when I was a freshman in college. I had been sexually abused by a teacher since midway through my 9th grade year and had been too weak...too naive...to afraid of abandonment to do anything about it. But as I grew and matured, and began finding my own voice, I knew I could not live another day as things were. It would change, or I would die trying. 

That was the first time I ever went to my bishop for help. I was beyond terrified. I feared my life, as I knew it, would end. But the misery I had lived with for four years compelled me to move forward...to do whatever it took. I cannot adequately describe what happened in that meeting. I was probably in his office for less than an hour. But when I walked outside of that church building and headed for my car, I was a changed human being. Completely and utterly changed. I felt peace I had not known in many years. I felt strength I didn't know was possible. And I knew that I would never allow myself to be taken advantage of again. 

In the October 1985 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, then-Elder Ezra Taft Benson made a statement that I surely didn't understand at the time, but in time would become one of my favorite quotes. Why? Because I lived it. He said, "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." (Ezra Taft Benson, Conference Report, October 1985, pp. 5-6)

Once I walked out of that church that night, I was never molested again. Why? It certainly wasn't because this teacher had changed. She had not. And she did all in her power to manipulate me for several months. Did it work? It did not. In fact, I was so strengthened by the Lord's spirit, that I was able to stand strong, even at steep costs. For the first time in my life, I was willing to stand 100% alone. 

How could my life be changed in one hour? How could I change from being completely manipulatable to standing like a rock? Because in that hour, I was filled with the knowledge of His love. I knew of my own worth. I saw a better life for myself. In short, the Lord took the slum out of Becky Ivory. After that, it was practically easy to take myself out of the slum. I knew I didn't belong there in the first place. My very nature had been changed. 

If you find yourself living in the slums of life, my best advise to you is to stop focusing on the outside, and let the Savior of the World begin to work on your from the inside out. Be willing to do whatever He asks, and I know that He will show you the light and brilliance and beauty that is you. He will take the slums out of you, and you, in turn, will find yourself with the strength, the courage, and the light, to finally take yourself out of the slums. 

I grew up with what today is known as “anxiety”. Back in the 70s, I had never even heard the word, but from as far back as I can remember, I was always walking on eggshells. Always afraid of being rejected, I tried to be perfect in everything I said and did. Knowing that I was horribly far away from my goal of perfection, I was constantly filled with the fear that I would never, ever be “good enough”…whatever that means.
 
A wise therapist once told me, “anxiety is caused by inaccurate expectations.” How right he was! ​I wrongly expected that I could be perfect. And yet we know that no mortal has ever been perfect on this earth, and no one is going to be perfect in the future either. Expecting the impossible is the perfect recipe for anxiety.
 
In my fear, I found myself constantly asking the question, what if? What if I mess it up? What if they don’t like me? What if I make the wrong decision? What if my best intentions fail? With that type of questioning, it’s no wonder I felt frozen with fear at times…afraid to move forward at all. I knew that fear was a recipe for disaster. I wanted to be positive but I just didn’t know how to turn it around.
 
Over the years I’ve learned that “what if” is actually the perfect question to ask if you want to live a positive life. The trick is to ask it while looking forward to all of the positive things that could be in store. What if I’m successful? What if I can make a new friend at this event? What if this step is the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for? What if tonight I go to bed realizing how blessed I really am?
 
“What if” can be the catalyst for positive thoughts, which can lead to positive actions, which can lead to positive outcomes.
 
So the next time you find yourself “what if-ing” yourself into a frenzy, try turning the negative around and practice imagining all of the things that could go right in your day today. It’s a powerful way to introduce yourself into the world of the peaceful…the joyous…and the world of success!

Google estimates that there are 552,000 therapists in the United States. That seems about right, as I’ve kept a handful of them busy throughout my adulthood. I’m sure I’ve paid off more than one student loan in my quest to correct the thinking errors I accumulated throughout my life. Do I mind? Not at all. God bless therapists!
 
In all of my years sitting on office coaches, sometimes with a tissue in one hand and a notebook in the other, I’ve heard a lot of valuable words. Words like boundaries, transference, cognitive, and subconscious have become a part of my vocabulary. But by far, my most favorite word I’ve ever learned in therapy is next.
 
You see, no matter what has happened to you in your past…no matter what you’ve seen, heard, felt, or done, it is all in the past. This does not mean we cannot learn from it. Indeed, I believe it is crucial that we do in order to avoid repeating those patterns in the future. But it does not mean we have to continue to live in the past.
 
When old beliefs of failure, inadequacy, or powerlessness arise in our minds, we can simply recognize them, acknowledge that they are there, realize that those are feelings we used to feel and beliefs we used to believe, and then choose to move on to live the life that is before us now. Like a Broadway director sifting through singers in an audition, we can brush aside unwanted beliefs with a strong and resolute, “Next?”  
 
Because there is a “next”! Our past doesn’t have to equal our future. Being powerless as a child does not resign us to be powerless adults. Having dark, or lonely, or fearful chapters as the beginning of our story does not have to equal a sad and dismal ending? WE HAVE A CHOICE.
 
Perhaps it is time in your life to really look at the things that affected you in the past. Acknowledge that they are there…that they affected you…that they hurt and that you did not like them. It’s OK. The world won’t fall apart if you admit that your family wasn’t perfect…that you’ve made some big mistakes. Welcome to the world, my friend. All aboard! Then once you have made peace with your past, it is time to look toward the future, and declare what is perhaps the most beautiful word in the English language: “next?”

Much to my frustration, within minutes he was back out like Braveheart on a freedom quest. Once again, I pulled over, swatted his behind, delivered the necessary speech, buckling him back into his now-tightened car seat…this time with a bit more sternness, in hopes he would understand the seriousness of the situation. His continued smile didn’t give me much hope. 
But before I could pat myself on the back, I looked in the rear-view mirror only to see that Houdini had outdone himself, and was again freely roaming the backseat. That was IT! I stormed out of the car, threw his door open and angrily swatted his bottom, once again. The lecture was louder, and the car seat was adjusted to “Defcon Straitjack”.
Just as I was beginning to wonder where my parenting manual was, my sweet Carson pulled me close and, with an unphased-smile, gave me a heart-melting hug exclaiming, “I love you!”, topping it off with a kiss.

My friends, happiness is a choice.
 
For many years, happiness was elusive to me. It seemed to depend on outward circumstances: were the people I loved happy with me? Did I look the right way? Was I accepted? Did I get what I wanted? When I wasn’t happy, the only way I knew to deal with that disappointment was by turning to food for distraction and maybe a little bit of sugar-induced sweetness.
I have come to learn that distractions do not equal happiness, and that true, internal happiness is not conditioned upon what happens to us, but rather what happens within us.
Jim Rohn shares that happiness is something we must weave. If we want to have a happy day we must weave it strand upon strand. If we want a happy career we will have to carefully weave that career with the fabric that happiness is made of. Happy marriages…happy families…happy hearts…are all products of carefully woven choices that can be learned. Just as we can learn the skills of financial success, so can we learn the skills of weaving a happy life.
For a born Eeyore like me, this idea was revolutionary! To realize that I could be happy just like little Carson…even when those I love are angry with my choices, cause me pain, or put a straitjacket on my freedom, I can choose to love, I can choose to be happy.
It’s time to stop looking outside of ourselves for sources of joy and peace. It’s time to start taking a look inside of our own hearts and minds, and make the daily choice to weave happiness. 

I remember as a child wondering if we could eat in Heaven. If we couldn’t, I had no interest in going. After all, I didn’t want to leave my best friend behind.
 
The more I progress through Intuitive Eating, the more I understand the role that emotions have come to play in my relationship with food. Whether I was filling an empty soul when I came home to an empty house after school each day, numbing the fear that I might truly be worthless, or filling the hours of boredom with something “exciting”, food was always there as my constant companion…my best friend. The problem was, I didn’t know my friend was killing me.
 
It was killing me emotionally and spiritually. It was trapping me in am emotional quicksand where every move convinced me more and more that there was something “wrong” with me…that I was worthless, powerless, and would never, ever be good enough. My “friend” turned out to be not such a great friend after all.
 
I remember being in the 5th grade and coming home from my friend Christy’s house. My mom seemed particularly irritating, and before long she gave me “lecture #4” about how I wasn’t such a nice person when I came home from Melanie’s house (names have been changed to protect the guilty. Mom didn’t think Christy was a very good friend and started making her list of suggestions for who she thought my friends “should” be.
 
I didn’t want to admit she was right…but she was. Melanie later walked down a dark path and I was grateful that I had heeded my mom’s advise. How did I do that? I started to replace the time I spent with Melanie with other people who made me feel better about myself when I was with them. Before long, my mom could stand me again as I was back to being more respectful at home.
 
Replacing food as my “friend” has been pretty much the same process. I have chosen to spend less time with food and more time dealing with my emotions; less time with food and more time working towards my dreams; less time with food and more time working on my relationships. In short, I have found other activities and beliefs to replace the old, and sure enough, over time, I have come to feel better about myself when I’m with them.
 
I can now say I’ve made peace with food, and it has once again become my friend. This time it is a true friend…one that is focused on giving my life pleasure, health, energy, and peace; a friend that leaves me with no regrets when I have spent time with it. I am more kind and loving to the people in my life, and more kind and loving to myself.
 
I’m so grateful for the process of learning how to truly choose better friends.

How many of us feel like we are “being changed”? Being changedmight feel like a very bad thing. Sometimes we wonder, “Why can’t people just love and accept me for who I am?” But what if deep inside, we knowthat we needto change. And despite our tough exteriors, we might even wantto change. We want to do, have, or be more, but we’re terrified of what kind of pain might be involved in that long, challenging process. And if we’re being absolutely honest with ourselves, many of us gave up long ago believing that change is even possible for us, so why even bother?  
Whether change happens voluntarily or involuntarily, when we embrace the process of change, we become more resilient. As I teach my clients, the pain we’ve been trying to avoid can actually be the path to peace. Rather than being something we fear, change can be an exciting journey to letting go of the old patterns in our lives that don’t serve us well, and actually finding the peace we’ve only dreamt about before now. 
 
If you find yourself resisting the process of change, maybe it’s time to reevaluate the reasons you are in the process at all. Does someone else want you to change? Are outward circumstances putting on the pressure? Perhaps it’s time to sit down and make a new list of the reasons that you want to change. 

• How is your behavior affecting your relationship? 
• Are your choices having a negative effect on your health? 
• Are there things you were put here on Earth to do that aren’t getting done? 
• How would  your life improve if you were to change a few key beliefs or behaviors?

 
Choosing to Change is one of the most powerful decisions you’ll ever make. It transforms the impossible into the possible. It puts purpose behind the problems. It helps you continue to put one foot in front of the other day after day, protecting you from becoming one of the 62% who are too afraid of leaving their comfort zone. 
 
Yes, change isn’t just for politicians anymore. It’s for you, and if you will make the decision and choose to changethe world will be a whole lot more peaceful for you, regardless of what the politicians or partners are doing. So take a deep breath, lift up your head, and choose change. ​

However, if I take this rock  and throw it into a river it can literally be transformed into something absolutely beautiful. 
 
Change takes time. Without a doubt, one of the first questions I get when a client comes to me to help them through change is, “How long is this going to take?” It is then that I pull out one of my beautiful polished rocks and help them understand that there are 3 things that determine how quickly a rock will get polished when thrown into a river. 
 
First, how hard is the rock? The harder the rock, the more difficult change is going to be. A hard rock resists change, but a soft rock will allow the ebb and flow of the water to knock its edges off more easily. It’s transformation is not only quicker, but the flow of the water becomes less painful as it has less and less resistance from the rock.
Are you a hard rock? Or a soft one?
 
The second thing that determines how quickly a rock will be transformed in a river deals with how rough is the water? When we live in calm, placid waters, not a lot of change takes place. It is when the waters get rough and high that we find ourselves getting the rough edges taken down noticeably. So when you find yourself cursing the high waters you seem to be living in, take a moment and express gratitude for the very power that is causing positive change in your life. 
 
The third thing that determines the rate of change is the length of time the rock stays in the water. Often, people saythey want to change, but when they realize that the water can at times be rough and cold, they find themselves scrambling, once again, for dry land. As understandable as this is, we won’t find transformation on the shores. Transformation only happens in the water. 
 
This week, try asking yourself, 

• Am I a soft rock? What can I do to be softer? 
• Are my waters rough? If so, how can I remind myself that rough waters are a blessing? 
• How long am I willing to stay in the water?

 
Embracing the process of change is the fastest way to doing, having, or being more, and I’m grateful to be on the front lines, watching your true colors and beauty shining through!