We’ve been talking about the Fish! Philosophy, discussing why Choose your attitude was Fish! Philosophy step #1 last week. This week, let’s talk about why step #2 is Be there. 
 
We’ve all felt it. You’re telling someone something you feel is meaningful and the next thing you know, they’re checking the latest vibration on their phone. Immediately, an invisible wall goes up and suddenly you feel you’re more alone than if you had actually been alone.
 
Perhaps you’ve been lucky enough to experience the opposite. Every once in awhile you meet a person who has truly learned the value of being there mentally, as well as physically, for others. They make eye contact. They ignore interruptions to your conversation. They ask questions and engage in the conversation. There is nothing quite like leaving a person who just made you feel like the most important person alive for the few minutes you were together, is there?
 
Too often, we are physically present, but mentally elsewhere. When we are sitting at work, our minds are at home. When we’re finally at home, our minds at work. We can’t seem to get our bodies and our minds at the same place at the same time.
 
When I work with organizations to help them adopt the Fish! Philosophy, they are often stunned at how the simple skill of learning how to be there positively affects job satisfaction, productivity, retention, and company culture. The truth is, being there changes lives. After all, the only words more powerful than I love you are the words I’m there for you. 
​​

​Does your company culture need a powerful energy lift? Let me show you how the Fish! Philosophy can turn around your organization.  

​Carson had been trying to learn to ride his bike for a solid year without success. He was terrified. And the more he fell, the more terrified he became. He got to where he would give up quickly out of frustration, but he really wanted to learn, so he never gave up.
 
One day we took the family camping and brought our bikes along. He once again gathered the courage to try his bike so I strapped on his helmet and protective knee, elbow and wrist pads and Ken took him to the top of the gentle hill where we were camped. Our hoots and hollers could be heard throughout the camp when he was able to keep his balance and pedal his way all the way to the bottom of the hill! We were so happy for him!
 
As he rode past me for another attempt, he turned to me and said, “Mom, do you know how I knew that today would be the day I could finally ride by bike? I heard the winds of change!

Change. We want it. We fear it. We vote for it. We avoid it. So how do we make it actually happen?

Often, we find ourselves walking down a path that we really don’t want to go, but somehow we don’t seem to be able to stop ourselves. We overreact to a negative comment by a spouse or coworker; we procrastinate a project; we ignore our bodies when they tell us they are full; we avoid the conversations that could heal hearts. There are hundreds of entrances to this well-worn path, and we feel drawn to walk down it for the thousandth time, despite the fact that it leads to only one destination…misery.

Paths are created when we choose to take the same route to a given destination, over and over again. The more we walk the path, the easier it is. The grass and weeds give up their fight, the ground becomes hardened as it packs down beneath our feet, and it becomes ever so much easier to find.

The interesting thing about paths is that they are also easily destroyed. The best way to destroy a path is to leave it alone. This can be terribly hard to do. We like paths that feel familiar and safe to us, even if we aren’t that thrilled with their destination. To choose a new path can feel scary. The brush can be prickly and intimidating, the way may be strewn with numerous chances to stumble, and the destination may not be guaranteed. But one thing is certain: if we do not want to end up in the same destination, we must be committed to choosing a new path.
​
The good news is that every time we choose to ignore the siren song of the old pathway, we give Mother Nature another day to take it back for herself. The grass and weeds begin to claim their old territory, and after some time, we will scarce be able to recognize it as what once was our favorite place to stroll. As our new path becomes more familiar and comfortable to travel, we will pass by those old pathways with nary a glance, as nature will have mercifully turned it into nothing more than a story of what used to be. 

​The world would have you believe that you cannot be trusted…that the only way to finally be happy with your body is to turn your will (and your money) over to them. In return, they promise to give you a slimmer and trimmer you before you can say “swimsuit season”. But can they? Can they really?
 
Countless studies have shown that diets don’t work. And those who engage in diets end up slowing down their metabolism and gaining even more weight when the diet inevitably comes to an end. That doesn’t sound like a very “happy new year” to me. But there is good news!
 
YOU. DO. NOT. NEED. TO. DIET. That’s right. You. The person who may have put on a few pounds this holiday season. You do not need to give your power away to any diet program, pill or promise this year. You can find peace with food and with your body once and for all and you don’t have to buy any special food. You don’t need to deprive yourself of all of the normal, enjoyable foods of life. You can learn to be an intuitive eater (#shameandguiltnotincluded).
 
You can learn to listen for your own hunger. You can enjoy the foods you really love. You can learn to honor your body’s satiety cues. You can have more health, vitality, and freedom than you’ve ever experienced before. Now THAT’S what I call a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
 
If you are ready to end your war with food once and for all, join me on Instagram and Facebook for regular support on your journey From Food to Faith. This is one journey that I can guarantee has the power to make this one very Happy New Year indeed!

Book Becky for a speaking engagements for 2019
Every good leader has a vision for their organization. Let me help get your vision into the hearts and minds of your organization. Contact me for more information.

​Do you want to help your organization develop a greater connections, increase  confidence and eliminate fear? Becky Ivory is now booking for speaking engagements in 2019. Contact Becky to learn how she can add value to your organization. 

​The grade-school boy had the heart of an entrepreneur as he lugged a pile of outdated calendars into the classroom, looking for someone with something to trade. He was in luck. The little girl had brought in an authentic 1887 silver dollar for show-and-tell and he was in love…not with the little girl, but with the silver dollar.
 
To this day, my husband often wonders what that little girl’s parents said when she excitedly arrived home that night, excited about the beautiful pictures on her 2 outdated calendars, not worth the paper they were printed on, and no silver dollar in sight. He, however, still owns that 1887 silver dollar and uses it to teach a valuable lesson: are you investing in the things that matter?
 
What do you value? If you took just 60 seconds right now (and I suggest you do) to list just the things you value most in life, what would the list look like? Family? Relationships? Peace? God? Health? I imagine many of our lists would look similar. Now, let’s find out if you really value these things as much as you believe.
 
Paul Martinelli always says, “If you want to know what people value, check their datebook and their checkbook.” It’s true. Take a moment and look at the last 30 days on your calendar, and the last 30 days of your expenses for evidence that you truly do value those things.  If a jury had only your calendar and your bank statements as evidence, would they be able to convict you of loving your family, taking care of your health, or worshipping God?
 
It’s all too easy to give lip service to the things of great value, but be side-tracked on a day-to-day basis by the colorful pictures that promise us immediate gratification, only to realize down the road that we have lost what really mattered.
 
Today is the time to stop buying into the lies that have been holding you back, and invest in the bright future of significance and fulfillment that you have always wanted. The choice is yours. Today, you can choose to invest in what matters. 

​“First, you must climb up this telephone pole using nothing but the metal spikes hammered into the side,” our perky hosts announced. Once we arrived at the top, we were then expected to shimmy across another telephone pole, this one lying so high that the birds wondered why we were crowding in on their territory. For the women brave enough to get that far, we could fly like those birds on a zip line, safely back to planet earth.
 
I was not one of those women.
 
Significantly overweight, I did not know if I could climb the first pole, and I was certain I did not want my friends on the ground to be staring at my harness-laden behind as I ascended, so I took the coward’s way out and relegated myself as the cheerleading squad. They flew like birds. I clipped my own wings and stayed on the ground.
 
This overnight retreat had gathered together a great bunch of women, mostly in their 30’s and 40’s…all except one: Janet.
 
Janet was the age of my mother, and could have been the grandmother to some of the new moms in the crowd. But that didn’t stop her from being one of the first to throw on the harness and climb that pole like a pro. I’ll never forget her jumping into mid-air, enjoying every minute of the ride back to solid ground. It was the first time I ever met Janet, and I learned quickly that I wanted to be just like her.
 
As the years went by, I continued to watch Janet. She valued her health and stayed very physically active. She was not immune to the challenges of life but she never let outward circumstances dictate her happiness. She loved her family. She showed up to every church and community activity, and made friends with anyone and everyone. She was one of the healthiest, happiest people I’ve known.
 
I last saw her not long ago and she was as vibrant and happy as ever, so it came as a shock when I discovered she had died unexpectedly. My first reaction was one of shock and sadness, but then a smile spread across my face. “Go, Janet!” was all I could think. “You did it!”
 
There is a saying in the Christian world that asks, “What would Jesus do?” It is meant to help us measure our own actions against the loving characteristics of Christ and inspire us to do better. This past week, the phrase, “what would Janet do” has come into my mind several times when I am faced with taking the stairs or the elevator…staying home or heading out to socialize…choosing to be angry or exchanging my grumpiness for a smile.
 
You see, Janet taught me that happiness is a choice. If I want to become an elderly woman who can walk and drive and climb telephone poles, I have to walk and drive and climb telephone poles now. If I want to become an elderly woman who makes lots of friends, is involved in my community, and finds happiness in each simple day, then I must invest myself in making friends, in my community, and in finding happiness in each simple day now. Janet has taught me that it is the little choices we make daily that will determine whether we get stuck on the ground or overcome our challenges and fly with the birds. 

​Do you want to help your organization develop a greater connections, increase  confidence and eliminate fear? Becky Ivory is now booking for speaking engagements in 2019. Contact Becky to learn how she can add value to your organization. 

​Imagine a scenario where you have walked into your local high school and as you are headed in to do whatever you came for, you hear a commotion behind you and realize that a man with a ski mask and a gun has come into the school.
 
At that moment, how would you feel? Afraid? Protective? Why would you feel that way? No doubt, our imaginations would have been running rampant as we imagined what might happen next. Would we be another horror story on the news? Would we die? Are we helpless? These are all normal ways for the mind to think. But our imaginations dictate our feelings as a result.
 
Now return to the imagined scenario and pretend that the school policeman just happens to be right behind the man when he enters, and quickly throws his arms around the perpetrator, throwing him to the ground. In the process, you hear one explosive, ear-splitting shot as the gun goes off. You feel a searing pain and realize you have been shot......................in the foot.
 
When we add the three words, "in the foot", everyone begins to laugh. Why? Because when you imagine getting shot, you picture the worst: the head, the heart, a vital organ. But getting shot in the foot is not the worst thing in the world. Some surgery, weeks of rest and you'll likely be good as new.
 
Dr. Jenkins goes on to explain that whenever we are dealing with "what is", we have a tendency to focus on what could have been, or what could be next. And the way we approach those questions will determine whether we suffer from anxiety and depression or gratitude and peace. For example, some people would go around complaining to the world about how awful it is to be shot in the foot and all of the things they can't do for several weeks. They will feel frustrated and perhaps angry, robbing themselves of happiness and peace.
 
Others would look at the situation and realize that it could have ended far worse. They could be dead. The shooter could have killed many people. The stray bullet could have lodged in some vital organ causing massive damage that would affect the rest of their lives. To these people, getting shot in the foot is a blessing. Even the fact that they were shot and not others can be a great source of comfort to those who are searching for the angle of gratitude in the situation.
 
Attitude is everything. And realizing that any situation in our lives could always be worse and focusing on the positive aspects of our situations produces actual hormones in the brain that cause peace and contentment with life the way it is. The foot will still hurt. We may still find ourselves with difficulties we didn't choose and don't want, but our general outlook of positivity will help us to move forward in a productive way, learning from the situation and becoming better by it.
 
On this Thanksgiving week, I share with you what Dr. Jenkins calls the Gratitude Triple Play. If you want to develop your gratitude, list three things you are grateful for in your life, however two of those things have to come from situations that are a real challenge for you.  The idea is that anyone can be grateful when everything is going the way they want them to, but to look for the things we are grateful for in the midst of trial and adversity is a powerful way to choose happiness and peace in our daily lives.
 
Let us choose not only a “Happy Thanksgiving”, but a happier life as well, by practicing our Gratitude Triple Play this holiday season, and every season thereafter. 

​Meet Rugby!
 
Rugby is a mixed breed known as a Bernedoodle. His mother was a Bernese Mountain Dog and his father, a Miniature Poodle.
 
Rugby is the most adorable ball of fluff you've ever seen. People stop us all the time to tell us, "He looks just like a stuffed animal!" And he does. He loves to play, adores contact with people, thrives on playtime at the dog park.
 
When you mix two breeds, you take your chances on which traits the pup will inherit. One of the physical traits Rugby inherited from his mother is the Bernese Mountain Dog fur which is silky soft and water resistant. From his father, he inherited the curl of a poodle and the blessing that he also doesn't shed -- a must for someone allergy-ridden like me.

​The similarities to his parents don’t stop at his appearance. One of the behavioral traits he inherited from his mother is the tendency to chew on wood. (Who knew that was an inherited trait, right?) This can be very annoying when you have lined your yard in trees or filled your flower beds with wood bark. As a puppy, he loved to get a good hunk of wood and shred it all over the grass (if we were lucky) or the carpet (if we weren’t). From his father, he inherited a tendency to bark at people when they come to the door.
 
All of us have traits we have inherited from those who came before us, whether by DNA or the conditioning that we learned in our youth. Sometimes those traits are like soft fur that we cherish and enjoy. Other times, they resemble tendencies that call our name like a juicy piece of wood in the backyard...pieces of ourselves that we try to ignore or wish would go away.
 
For example, did you learn from your parents to love and forgive others? To embrace people and build them up? Or did you perhaps inherit an attitude of picking and choosing who deserves love or mercy? Did you inherit a positive self-esteem that made you feel you could conquer anything? Or did you absorb traits of fear and timidity? Did you inherit an attitude of faith and possibility? Or one of skepticism and doubt? Did you learn to face your challenges with faith and optimism? Or with a handful of Oreos and a box of tissues?
 
The truth is, regardless of the situation in which you were raised, you likely learned some things that you will want to hang onto and pass onto your own children, as well as things that you struggle to overcome. How do I know this? Because you are human. You families were human. The good news is that choosing the life you want to lead…in spite of your conditioning…is the birthright of all of God’s children.
 
It's true that we are heavily affected by both the literal and environmental genes we grow up with, and though we can't change the height of our stature (see Luke 12:25) or the texture of our hair, we can change our attitudes, our beliefs, our actions. And the reason we can do this is because God made us each agents unto ourselves. That means that, as adults, we cannot blame anyone or anything for our own thoughts, words and actions.
 
On the door leading to our garage, I have two magnets. One reads:
"Whether your life is happy or not, is your own choice" - Nick Vuyicic
The other:
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined." – Thoreau
 
These two magnets represent one of the greatest lesson I have learned on my path of intuitive eating, and that is that I have complete control over my own life.
 
We loved and adored Rugby when he was a rambunctious puppy, but that didn't mean we were content to let him chew up our trees or bark at guests just because his genetic conditioning told him to. With time, patience, and practice, he was able to learn that wood was not one of the basic 4 food groups, and that guests enjoy him much more when they are not afraid of him. We taught him these things because we want him to be happy, and he will be happiest when he is healthy and has a positive relationship with those he comes in contact with each and every day.
 
I'm grateful for all of the positive things that have been passed down to me in my own genetics and conditioning, and I am deeply grateful that I can choose to overcome any conditioning of my past that does not serve me. I am striving to improve upon the life I was given, just as I hope my children are working to improve what was handed down to them. (Good luck, Kids!)
 
The truth is, none of us will be able to overcome the conditioning of our past if we leave it up to chance. Those decisions will have to be made through conscious choice. Each and every day you have the choice to leave your future up to the conditioning and external circumstances you find yourself in, or to choose your own pathway to happiness.
 
So…what will it be? Chance…or choice?