I’m lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon for a much-needed nap after a 6-hour night’s sleep. Some people, like my husband, can function quite well for days at a time on 6 hours of sleep. I, however, have never been one of them. Anything less than 7 hours leaves me feeling as if I’ve just come down with the flu. So once I’ve finished my morning responsibilities, I lay down to catch a few z’s. Just as I start to drift off, I hear someone coming into the house. Like a jack rabbit, I’m standing next to my bed, fixing my hair, and look like I was simply coming into the bedroom to dutifully put something away.

I’m a grown adult who certainly knows when she needs a nap. I’m not a lazy person, in fact, I work quite hard. So why would I feel so urgently to not appear sleeping? The truth is, I have always been too worried about what other people think.
 
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a pleaser. Desperate for the approval of others, I tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be. From turning my right foot out when I walk to be “just like dad”, to playing Barbies when it bored me to tears, I spent much of my time hoping that if I could just mold myself into what everyone else wanted me to be, I would finally be “enough”. Good enough, lovable enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. And I didn’t outgrow it. That’s why in her book, “The Happiness Project”, Gretchen Rubin shared that one of her foundational principles is to “Be Gretchen” it resonated so powerfully for me.
 
Not surprisingly, throughout my life I also had an intense level of anxiety. I used to think it was simply inherited and there was nothing I could do about it. I have since come to realize that most of my anxiety stems from an intense need to be what other people want me to be. Believing that I could chameleon myself into what would make others happy was an impossible task. And further believing that their love and acceptance of me depended upon my chameleon-like abilities added immense pressure. And finally, believing that my ultimate worth dependent on the love and acceptance of others was the nail in the coffin that sent me reeling in a never-ending spiral of anxiety.
 
The answer for me would quickly become my first personal commandment: Be Becky.
 
Do I feel the need to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon? Then I should take one. Do I want to sing and be silly in the grocery store with my kids? Then it’s time to sing away! Do I want to eat a brownie for lunch, wear white after Labor Day, and use too many exclamation points in my emails? Then I may have to ignore the judgy stares, hold my head up high, and decide that liking myself is far more important than whether or not others like me.

Some people love puzzles. It calms them as they search for just the right home for a small piece of paperboard, specially cut into interlocking pieces. There is something satisfying about that moment when your eyes lock onto a potential hole, your hands turn the homeless piece here and there and then suddenly, everything aligns and your previously lonely piece finally belongs perfectly.
 
If you’re like me, you might rely on the box-face to help you know what the puzzle is supposed to look like. Propped in front of me like a GPS map, I am constantly comparing colors, shapes, and sizes. I know what the end result is supposed to look like, and I work to conform my work to the vision that has been created for me.
 
Throughout our lives, we are constantly searching for how the various pieces of our selves fit into the great plan that has been set before us…the overall vision for how our life is supposed to look if we are to be successful…if we are to be happy. From the beginning, that picture that we are striving to recreate we often created from well-meaning parents, teachers, friends, and society itself. And from as early as we can remember, we have been working build that vision, piece-by-piece. But is the picture on the box really the image we want to conform to?
 
Sometimes, God hands us a new piece. It doesn’t usually take long to realize that this particular piece doesn’t seem to fit the picture of our lives that we have always held. The colors are more vibrant. The shapes are unknown to us. But the pictures captures our heart and takes our breath away. Could our lives really look like THIS?
 
It is at this point that many strive to take this God-given piece and fit it into the current constructs of their lives. “I can take this new piece and make it fit into my current picture.” But try as you might, the two visions will never merge. When God hands us a new vision for our lives, it often requires a mighty change.

It’s a simple piece of equipment that the exercise physiologist gave my husband to strengthen his core and support his overly-aged back. Knowing my core was a bit on the flabby side, I decided to join him on his journey. Using the pressure monitor, we performed various core strengthening exercises that used muscles we didn’t know we had.
The instructions stated that we were not to move on to the next exercise until we had mastered doing the previous one with precise form. In only a few days we mastered exercise #1 and moved on to #2. Ken quickly progressed through exercises #3 and returned for more instruction, while I continued to feel like a newborn giraffe learning to walk.
When he arrived home, he began showing me the next exercises in my future, when suddenly I found myself feeling angry, hopeless, and wanting to give up.  “What the heck is going on?” I thought to myself. “There’s nothing wrong. Why am I feeling this way?” Within just a few short minutes, I felt ready to throw in the towel. “I’ll never get any better. I’m doomed to be fat and out-of-shape. Why even bother?” Luckily for me, I am well-rehearsed in A-B-C-D journaling so I grabbed my handy notebook and scriptures, and went out to the living room to process my emotions.
It didn’t take long to recognize some of the old thought distortions that had taken over my mind…old beliefs that I thought I had banished for good. As I recognized and challenged those old beliefs once again, I could see how I was comparing myself and my progress to someone else. I was expecting years of inactivity and poor choices to be reversed in a matter of days…or at least weeks!
Clearly seeing my distorted beliefs, I was now free to replace them once again with the truth: I am not competing with anyone else. Consistency compounds. Enjoy the journey! Already, I was feeling at peace once again.
Then I opened my scriptures. Would you be surprised if I told you that there on the page was a direct message from my Heavenly Father? Would you be even more surprised if I told you that He sent that message through His servant, Isaiah?
“Awake, awake, put on thy strength…Put on thy beautiful garments…for henceforth there shall no more come into thee the uncircumcised and the unclean. Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down…loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”
I was reminded once again that we are all daughters and sons of God. That makes us royalty. With the Lord, we are strong, even when we feel weak. Sometimes we find ourselves lying in the dust, chains about our neck, captive to the will of the flesh or the beliefs of the world.
Today is the perfect time to awake…to not allow unclean thoughts and beliefs to enter our minds any longer. It is time to stand up, shake off the dust, break the chains that have bound us, and take our place as rightful heirs to the blessings of God.
Because you’re human, I know that you have distorted beliefs about yourself. I know there are times when you believe you aren’t worth it…that you will never succeed…that all is hopeless. We all do. My hope for you is that you will learn how to recognize, challenge, and replace those thoughts. Awake! Don’t allow lies into your head any longer. Arise! Don’t wallow in the dust like captives to the beliefs of the world.  You are a child of God. Come. Arise, and take your proper place.

This is one of the most powerful tools that I use and help my clients use to get to the root of emotional eating before it starts. All it takes is a little notebook, a little know how, and a little time. 
​I am confident it will help you on your journey From Food to Faith. 

It is said that an artist was once asked, “How do you plan to carve an elephant out of that large piece of marble?” to which the artist replied, “I will just start chipping off any piece that doesn’t look like an elephant.” Though this tale is unlikely true, the story does have a lot to teach us about the nature of human transformation.
 
Most of us want transformation in some way. We want to feel better, look better, or act better. We want to be more successful. We want closer relationships. In my work, I have learned that the wisest people want to transform their limiting beliefs…those thoughts that have held them back throughout their lives.  Whether you’re carving elephants, or a life of greater joy for yourself, there are some truths that never alter.
 
First and foremost, we will never create a masterpiece if we don’t have a clear picture in our mind of what it is we want to create. An artist does not begin chipping away at marble and eventually discover it looks like an elephant. They must clearly see the elephant within the marble, and every touch of the hammer and chisel will bring that elephant closer and closer to reality.
 
What is it you want? Do you want to have more peaceful relationships at home? Do you want to recognize personal revelation more clearly? Do you want to change your body, your job, or your home? First you must create a clear picture in your own mind of the future you are choosing to create. Then begin to identify which pieces don’t seem to match that vision of the life you are creating. Pick one, and start chipping away.
 
Second, elephants do not evolve from marble with large, crashing strikes of the hammer. Those who are impatient, believing that great drastic measures will get them to their destination faster, will find themselves with nothing but a pile of dust and rocks surrounding them, only to start again.
 
Personal transformation is a process of a thousand, carefully placed and executed, little steps.  It is showing up early for work and putting forth your best effort every day. It is honoring your body one meal at a time. It is working to understand before trying to be understood, one conversation at a time. No “overnight success” actually happens overnight. Just pick one rough edge that doesn’t seem to fit into your vision for yourself, and begin chipping away.
 
Lastly, don’t be surprised if others around you don’t share your vision, or believe in the process by which you are choosing to obtain that vision. Well-meaning people will give you all sorts of free advise: “That looks more like a cow. Why don’t you just change it into a cow,” or “I know a faster way you could get that done,” or “that’s taking so much time, is it really worth it?”
 
It is at times like these that you must hold onto your vision with both hands. You may have to plaster a smile to your face, put plugs in your ears and blinders on your eyes, but whatever you do, pick the next piece that doesn’t match your vision and just keep chipping away at your transformation. If you do this, your naysayers will someday say, “I had no idea this was inside of you,” “that is amazing!”, “I could never do that!” or maybe even “how do you carve an elephant out of marble?” And that is when you will peacefully declare, I simply kept chipping away at all the pieces that didn’t look like an elephant.”

Halloween this year found my husband and I flying to Chicago to help take our little granddaughter trick-or-treating. We had a great weekend at a church party, visited the children’s museum, did some shopping, and enjoyed some of our favorite Chicago pizza. As usual, it was a wonderful weekend. As we returned home a few days later, a thought popped into my mind that not only put a big smile on my face, but also surprised me. Except for a handful of candy corn the week before, I had not eaten a single piece of Halloween candy throughout the Halloween season…not because I was “being good” but because it had never even crossed my mind.
 
As a chronic binger and dieter, Halloween has always been one of those events that brought great anxiety. Either I used it as an excuse to eat with abandon, vowing to start over again on November 1st”, or I carefully planned exactly what I was “allowed” to eat, calculating calories, fat grams, or Points weeks in advance. What is supposed to be a fun holiday of costumes and children, felt more to me like a scary test which I would either “pass” or “fail” with my self-worth hanging in the balance. Some years I “failed”. Some year I “passed”. But every year I found myself obsessed with food, which caused tremendous anxiety, no matter what the outcome.
 
In the process of becoming an Intuitive Eater I have found peace with food. It is no longer a “sin” to eat some Halloween candy, nor do I have to lose weight that week to be a “saint”. Gone are the days of looking to outside sources, such as a diet, to tell me what I should or should not eat. I now trust my body to tell me that, and I’ve learned it does an amazing job.
 
I eat when I’m hungry. I choose what will truly satisfy me. I recognize when eating any more would ruin the experience by making me physically uncomfortable. I deal with my emotions rather than numbing them. I trust God more than I trust food. And all of that has restored a sense of peace with food that I never thought would happen.
 
There are many benefits to finding peace with food. The scale is working it’s way down, and that is a great blessing. But by far, the greatest blessing is the mental and spiritual peace I feel as food has taken its proper role in my life. Gone are the days of having to rebuy Halloween candy because I ate it all before the 31st. Gone are the days of obsessing over what I am allowed to eat, how I will plan my whole week around that moment, and how I’ll handle the tremendous feelings of deprivation at every party. Gone are the Russian-Roulette moments of stepping on the scale to see if I am worthy of love or respect each day.
 
I’m so grateful for the miracle in my life of being able to turn From Food to Faith, and I love my work in helping others find the same peace with food. In the beginning, it is almost impossible for my clients to believe that finding peace with food is truly possible for them. Perhaps you have come to feel the same way. But I can assure you, once you commit to the process, you will begin to see that you are not doomed to a life of being obsessed with food. Just like me, you can find peace. And that’s no trick…just a most delicious treat!

​This weekend she brought with her a completely intact crab shell, legs and all, sharing with us what she learned about crab molting. I was fascinated, as I’d never known such a thing existed, and I quickly realized that I had some molting to do myself.
 
 Molting is the process of completely shedding ones outer layer, whether it be made of skin, feathers, hair…or in the case of crabs, a shell. I had seen molting in my experience with chickens, I have touched the discarded skin of snakes at the zoo, but I had no idea that crabs could somehow wiggle even their legs and tendons out of their crusty external shell. Nor did I know that unless they do so, they will suffocate and die, rather than continue to grow.
 
How many times in my life have I felt that I absolutely must change and grow, or I would suffocate and die? That raw and emotional place before one molts is a painful place to be. For me, it usually entails knowing I cannot live another minute in my current self, but not knowing if growth is even possible…not knowing if I have the courage or strength to break out of my old shell…and if I do, how will I survive the vulnerability of waiting for my new shell to harden before I am destroyed?
 
Is there a name for the emotional angst that comes with the need to molt? Google doesn’t seem to think so. Perhaps that is because for animals it is not an emotional issue. For us humans, there are words such as anxiety, emotional discord, and cognitive dissonance, but none of those words seem to capture the emotional torture and transformation that seems to be implied in the human process of molting.
 
I have felt the anxiety of a pending molt when I knew it was time to walk away from my abuser. I felt it when I knew I must care for my health but could never diet again. I have felt it any number of times when I’ve had to leave some of the ways of the world behind to free my spirit and grow. Each time I was miserable. Each time I was terrified. And each time it was worth it.
 
The moment you finally break free from your old shell and realize that you will never go back, is nothing short of liberating! It is like you can finally take a deep breath, bend your limbs, and move without restriction. And though it takes time for your sensitive exterior to toughen up, before long you find an increased level of peace and comfort in the world that you’d forgotten was possible.  You’ve molted!
 
In your newfound joy, don’t forget that as surely as the last molting was crucial to your growth, so too will be the next. So don’t be surprised when you find yourself starting to feel a little cramped in your new emotional living space.
 
Today, I pass on Laurel’s questions to you:
 
What do you need to shed?
Is it an old, outdated view of yourself? Is it resentment, fear, or shame? Are there habits you need to leave behind or new ones to adopt? Are there people holding you back or knowledge you desperately need?
 
How do you need God to help you?
I once tried to exercise my faith that if I prayed fervently enough, God would remove my extra pounds overnight. I say “tried” because neither God, nor I, were all that surprised when it was still there in the morning. I knew that God was willing to help me, but perhaps just not in the way I wanted at the time. God is the ultimate parent. He will do nothing for us that we can do for ourselves, though He knows there is plenty that we are not capable of at the moment, and He stands ready and willing to do the heavy lifting.
 
What do you need to do to fulfill your part?
In the Doctrine and Covenants we read, “There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” Which blessing do you need? What are the natural laws you will have to obey in order to receive that blessing?
 
God gave me a vision of who I really was, a booster of spiritual strength, and internal peace about my decision, but I had to be the one to physically and emotionally walk away from my abuser. When we come to accept our part of the responsibilities for the growth we are seeking…when we are finally willing to obey the law upon which it is predicated, we will in fact receive the blessing.
 
It is time, as it often is, for me to molt. I’m grateful that our loving Heavenly Father is there to provide a vision of the next step, give me strength to break my old shell, and courage to be vulnerable as my new shell hardens. I am grateful, once again, for the process of molting.

​I must be the world’s worst plant owner. I do have plants, but my kids will tell you, don’t give me something that needs a lot of fussing. You’re bound to end up with sticks in dirt. For some reason, remembering to give it a little drink of water now and then just seems like an insurmountable task.
 
I do have one plant that I bought back in 1991 that is still alive, despite my multiple attempt to kill it with neglect. It has been brought back from the dead more times than people in the New Testament. I have literally left it in the garage until it was nothing more than a lonely stick in a pot of dust, and yet when my inner-scientist chose to begin throwing some water on it, it amazed us all with its ability to forgive…to bounce back…to survive. It has earned its rightful place in our home.
 
Perhaps my weakness with plants is God’s way of teaching me that when we water and nourish a thing, it grows. And when we neglect it…that’s right…it turns into the Sahara and withers away.  The same is true with habits…all habits…whether good or bad. That which we give our time and attention to grows. That which we ignore and leave unattended will dry up and disappear like last year’s reality show.
 
When we are striving to develop new habits in our lives, it can often seem daunting to give it the little bit of attention it may require. But ask yourself this? Which habits are you watering? And which habits are you neglecting? Every time you water an old habit that you would rather put in the compose bin, you keep it alive a little longer. And every time you nourish a new and improved habit, whose fruit you long to enjoy, you also keep it alive a little longer. With consistency of time and attention, the new habit will send roots deep into the earth, developing resiliency, absorbing more nutrients, and providing sweeter, more plentiful fruit.
 
And might I add that when we invite the Savior to join us in our efforts, He supplies us with the living water that can breathe life back into deadest of sticks. It’s as simple as that.  So…which habits will you water?

I grew up with what today is known as “anxiety”. Back in the 70s, I had never even heard the word, but from as far back as I can remember, I was always walking on eggshells. Always afraid of being rejected, I tried to be perfect in everything I said and did. Knowing that I was horribly far away from my goal of perfection, I was constantly filled with the fear that I would never, ever be “good enough”…whatever that means.
 
A wise therapist once told me, “anxiety is caused by inaccurate expectations.” How right he was! ​I wrongly expected that I could be perfect. And yet we know that no mortal has ever been perfect on this earth, and no one is going to be perfect in the future either. Expecting the impossible is the perfect recipe for anxiety.
 
In my fear, I found myself constantly asking the question, what if? What if I mess it up? What if they don’t like me? What if I make the wrong decision? What if my best intentions fail? With that type of questioning, it’s no wonder I felt frozen with fear at times…afraid to move forward at all. I knew that fear was a recipe for disaster. I wanted to be positive but I just didn’t know how to turn it around.
 
Over the years I’ve learned that “what if” is actually the perfect question to ask if you want to live a positive life. The trick is to ask it while looking forward to all of the positive things that could be in store. What if I’m successful? What if I can make a new friend at this event? What if this step is the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for? What if tonight I go to bed realizing how blessed I really am?
 
“What if” can be the catalyst for positive thoughts, which can lead to positive actions, which can lead to positive outcomes.
 
So the next time you find yourself “what if-ing” yourself into a frenzy, try turning the negative around and practice imagining all of the things that could go right in your day today. It’s a powerful way to introduce yourself into the world of the peaceful…the joyous…and the world of success!

Google estimates that there are 552,000 therapists in the United States. That seems about right, as I’ve kept a handful of them busy throughout my adulthood. I’m sure I’ve paid off more than one student loan in my quest to correct the thinking errors I accumulated throughout my life. Do I mind? Not at all. God bless therapists!
 
In all of my years sitting on office coaches, sometimes with a tissue in one hand and a notebook in the other, I’ve heard a lot of valuable words. Words like boundaries, transference, cognitive, and subconscious have become a part of my vocabulary. But by far, my most favorite word I’ve ever learned in therapy is next.
 
You see, no matter what has happened to you in your past…no matter what you’ve seen, heard, felt, or done, it is all in the past. This does not mean we cannot learn from it. Indeed, I believe it is crucial that we do in order to avoid repeating those patterns in the future. But it does not mean we have to continue to live in the past.
 
When old beliefs of failure, inadequacy, or powerlessness arise in our minds, we can simply recognize them, acknowledge that they are there, realize that those are feelings we used to feel and beliefs we used to believe, and then choose to move on to live the life that is before us now. Like a Broadway director sifting through singers in an audition, we can brush aside unwanted beliefs with a strong and resolute, “Next?”  
 
Because there is a “next”! Our past doesn’t have to equal our future. Being powerless as a child does not resign us to be powerless adults. Having dark, or lonely, or fearful chapters as the beginning of our story does not have to equal a sad and dismal ending? WE HAVE A CHOICE.
 
Perhaps it is time in your life to really look at the things that affected you in the past. Acknowledge that they are there…that they affected you…that they hurt and that you did not like them. It’s OK. The world won’t fall apart if you admit that your family wasn’t perfect…that you’ve made some big mistakes. Welcome to the world, my friend. All aboard! Then once you have made peace with your past, it is time to look toward the future, and declare what is perhaps the most beautiful word in the English language: “next?”