(Author Note: Yesterday I posted, on a popular social media marketplace, the sale of my old diploma frame. I was surprised at one of the comments from someone I've never met, who decided that I must be a fool to have paid so much for the frame in the first place, and implied that I must be vain to ever care about the type of frame it was in. Dear commenter, this post is for you.)

The year was 1976 and my mother found herself unexpectedly divorced, raising four children on $2.50 an hour. Women didn’t usually go to college back then, and my mom had stayed home with my brothers and I up until that time. Suddenly, she found herself figuring out how to pay the bills. Adding a night job to the mix, she left the house at 6:30am and didn’t finish working until 8:15 every night and worked half a day on Saturday. She was endlessly exhausted. We used to wait until she sat down on the couch at night to ask for permission to do things we thought she might say no to, because it never failed that she’d fall immediately asleep and would say yes to just about anything.
 
As my mother’s only daughter, she wanted me to be more prepared for the future than she had been. She expected me to go to college and reminded me that I could do hard things. She saved her own money to help me go. I was one of the beneficiaries of those long, long days. When I turned 18, I headed to Brigham Young University (BYU) to major in music education. I loved music. I loved school. And I loved my mom.
 
However, as often happens, I got my M.R.S. degree before my B.A., and my husband received a job offer in Japan that was too good to pass up. Just before my last year of school, we pulled up stakes and flew half way around the world to live in a shoe box of an apartment that was filled with adventure. That year our first daughter was born, and suddenly, my mother’s dream of me graduating from college seemed to be pushed into the East River with cement blocks on its feet.
 
Soon, more than a decade had passed, and I was chasing four rambunctious kids around the house and loving (most) every minute. But I never could forget that voice in my head reminding me of the goal I never finished. I still wanted to graduate from college. I began taking “online” classes one-by-one, which was a bit more futile in the 90s, and difficult to fit in during nap times and carpools. Finally, when my youngest entered the first grade, I made my way back to the BYU campus to finish what I had started almost 20 years before.
 
It took me two more years to finish what originally would have been one. I found that I still loved learning! I still loved BYU! And I still loved my mom! I don’t know who was more proud when I finally graduated 21 years after I started, my mother or me. I was the first woman on either side of my family to graduate from college. And when I graduated, I bought a beautiful frame that was far too expensive, and would never be seen by a single soul except myself, my husband, and my children who passed in and out of our family office. But I hung it right over my desk where I could always be reminded that I can do hard things.
 
The next several years were filled with teaching Jr. High music classes, and raising those four beautiful kids. I loved it all. Soon, I found that life never does stop giving you opportunities to grow. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), I began working with the state legislature, and survivor groups, to pass 10 significant pieces of legislation to give a voice to survivors, keep molesters out of our schools, and ensure that there would be less victims in the future. It was rewarding and challenging work. People started coming to me with their stories and it became clear that I had an opportunity to help others who suffered from the same shame and insecurity that I had felt for so long. I found myself wanting them to know that they can do hard things.
 
At first, I thought the answer was in becoming a coach. I joined an amazing team and began helping businesses develop their people, and coaching individuals to reach their goals. But it didn’t take long for me to realize where my passion really was: helping people recognize and overcome the lies they have believed for a lifetime that were holding them back; in helping people realizing their worth, finding peace in themselves and their relationships. And that is not the job of a coach. That is the job of a therapist.
 
I thought my school days were behind me. But I realized that the path I wanted to follow would require another sacrifice of time, money, and energy (oh…and did I mention time?!?). I have chosen to become a marriage and family therapist, and become a more effective resource for those who have suffered from so much pain and trauma in their life. I want to help others find peace.
 
I’m now specializing in trauma, and seeing therapy clients in Sandy, and I’m grateful that my mother taught me that I can do hard things. The old fancy frame will find a new home as I place the old diploma in a more simple frame that will match an additional diploma, soon on its way. They will both take their place in my home office, where they will always be in my own line of sight, so that I can always remember what my mom always believed, that I can do hard things.

It’s a simple piece of equipment that the exercise physiologist gave my husband to strengthen his core and support his overly-aged back. Knowing my core was a bit on the flabby side, I decided to join him on his journey. Using the pressure monitor, we performed various core strengthening exercises that used muscles we didn’t know we had.
The instructions stated that we were not to move on to the next exercise until we had mastered doing the previous one with precise form. In only a few days we mastered exercise #1 and moved on to #2. Ken quickly progressed through exercises #3 and returned for more instruction, while I continued to feel like a newborn giraffe learning to walk.
When he arrived home, he began showing me the next exercises in my future, when suddenly I found myself feeling angry, hopeless, and wanting to give up.  “What the heck is going on?” I thought to myself. “There’s nothing wrong. Why am I feeling this way?” Within just a few short minutes, I felt ready to throw in the towel. “I’ll never get any better. I’m doomed to be fat and out-of-shape. Why even bother?” Luckily for me, I am well-rehearsed in A-B-C-D journaling so I grabbed my handy notebook and scriptures, and went out to the living room to process my emotions.
It didn’t take long to recognize some of the old thought distortions that had taken over my mind…old beliefs that I thought I had banished for good. As I recognized and challenged those old beliefs once again, I could see how I was comparing myself and my progress to someone else. I was expecting years of inactivity and poor choices to be reversed in a matter of days…or at least weeks!
Clearly seeing my distorted beliefs, I was now free to replace them once again with the truth: I am not competing with anyone else. Consistency compounds. Enjoy the journey! Already, I was feeling at peace once again.
Then I opened my scriptures. Would you be surprised if I told you that there on the page was a direct message from my Heavenly Father? Would you be even more surprised if I told you that He sent that message through His servant, Isaiah?
“Awake, awake, put on thy strength…Put on thy beautiful garments…for henceforth there shall no more come into thee the uncircumcised and the unclean. Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down…loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”
I was reminded once again that we are all daughters and sons of God. That makes us royalty. With the Lord, we are strong, even when we feel weak. Sometimes we find ourselves lying in the dust, chains about our neck, captive to the will of the flesh or the beliefs of the world.
Today is the perfect time to awake…to not allow unclean thoughts and beliefs to enter our minds any longer. It is time to stand up, shake off the dust, break the chains that have bound us, and take our place as rightful heirs to the blessings of God.
Because you’re human, I know that you have distorted beliefs about yourself. I know there are times when you believe you aren’t worth it…that you will never succeed…that all is hopeless. We all do. My hope for you is that you will learn how to recognize, challenge, and replace those thoughts. Awake! Don’t allow lies into your head any longer. Arise! Don’t wallow in the dust like captives to the beliefs of the world.  You are a child of God. Come. Arise, and take your proper place.

 Oftentimes, people ask me how I got into public speaking and coaching. It’s a hard question to answer. The short answer is, I realized that there are many out there who need to know they are not alone, their worth has never changed, and they can come through their challenges having greater peace and faith than they ever thought possible. So I shared.
 
The things I have learned on this journey have shaped why and how I see the world, and if they can help make the journey of others more peaceful, why wouldn’t I share? Some of these lessons include: the importance to teach our children leadership skills, self-confidence, how to speak up for your needs, how to work through anxiety, and how to find peace with food, just to name a few. I’ve also learned that while our challenges are all different, the lessons we need to learn are very often the same. That’s how speaking and coaching became my passion.
 
Today, I share with you a link to a podcast interview I did this past week where I was asked to share my story of overcoming childhood sexual abuse.  Given that at least 1 in 10 children are sexually abused before reaching the age of 18, I imagine that it might be of help to you, whether you were a victim, or if it has impacted someone you love.  Please feel free to share with any whom you think would benefit.
 
As always, feel free to reach out to me if I can ever be of service to you.

​Listen to the podcast HERE. 
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It is said that an artist was once asked, “How do you plan to carve an elephant out of that large piece of marble?” to which the artist replied, “I will just start chipping off any piece that doesn’t look like an elephant.” Though this tale is unlikely true, the story does have a lot to teach us about the nature of human transformation.
 
Most of us want transformation in some way. We want to feel better, look better, or act better. We want to be more successful. We want closer relationships. In my work, I have learned that the wisest people want to transform their limiting beliefs…those thoughts that have held them back throughout their lives.  Whether you’re carving elephants, or a life of greater joy for yourself, there are some truths that never alter.
 
First and foremost, we will never create a masterpiece if we don’t have a clear picture in our mind of what it is we want to create. An artist does not begin chipping away at marble and eventually discover it looks like an elephant. They must clearly see the elephant within the marble, and every touch of the hammer and chisel will bring that elephant closer and closer to reality.
 
What is it you want? Do you want to have more peaceful relationships at home? Do you want to recognize personal revelation more clearly? Do you want to change your body, your job, or your home? First you must create a clear picture in your own mind of the future you are choosing to create. Then begin to identify which pieces don’t seem to match that vision of the life you are creating. Pick one, and start chipping away.
 
Second, elephants do not evolve from marble with large, crashing strikes of the hammer. Those who are impatient, believing that great drastic measures will get them to their destination faster, will find themselves with nothing but a pile of dust and rocks surrounding them, only to start again.
 
Personal transformation is a process of a thousand, carefully placed and executed, little steps.  It is showing up early for work and putting forth your best effort every day. It is honoring your body one meal at a time. It is working to understand before trying to be understood, one conversation at a time. No “overnight success” actually happens overnight. Just pick one rough edge that doesn’t seem to fit into your vision for yourself, and begin chipping away.
 
Lastly, don’t be surprised if others around you don’t share your vision, or believe in the process by which you are choosing to obtain that vision. Well-meaning people will give you all sorts of free advise: “That looks more like a cow. Why don’t you just change it into a cow,” or “I know a faster way you could get that done,” or “that’s taking so much time, is it really worth it?”
 
It is at times like these that you must hold onto your vision with both hands. You may have to plaster a smile to your face, put plugs in your ears and blinders on your eyes, but whatever you do, pick the next piece that doesn’t match your vision and just keep chipping away at your transformation. If you do this, your naysayers will someday say, “I had no idea this was inside of you,” “that is amazing!”, “I could never do that!” or maybe even “how do you carve an elephant out of marble?” And that is when you will peacefully declare, I simply kept chipping away at all the pieces that didn’t look like an elephant.”

​I love being a motivational speaker. There is nothing better than sharing your stories…your insights…and learning that it has changed someone else’s life. I also love listening to other motivational speakers. I have found them not only on stages, but in church’s, diners, and people’s very own kitchens. I have found motivation and inspiration from many people, and one of my favorites was a woman named Kris Belcher.
 
Kris was diagnosed with cancer in both of her eyes as a young child and finally lost her eyesight completed as an adult. As a mom with two young children, she was understandably devastated at the loss of her sight. Kris has the gift of finding the gift in almost anything, and one of her stories has never been forgotten.
 
She was sharing how she learned to navigate walking busy city streets by herself. Of course, she learned to use a cane, and listen for the sounds of traffic and crossing lights. But one of the ways she can tell what direction she is facing is by determining where she feels the sun on her face. By determining what time it is and where the sun would be, she can use the warmth on her face to determine what direction she is facing. Ever the motivator, she told us she can also know what direction she is facing in her spiritual life by where she feels the Son…meaning, the Son of God.
 
 Often at this time of year, we are focused on our physical health. How much weight do we want to lose this year? What size will we be by our birthday? How many races will we run? Those can all be worthy goals for the right reason at the right time. But I wonder how many of us are as focused on our spiritual health?
 
Do you know where the Son is? Do you feel His warmth in your heart? Do you check your direction by if you feel Him present? Or is He an afterthought? Do you rely on your own eyes and ears to tell you if you’re going in the right direction?
 
May we lift our face to Him as we seek the directions we are to take. May we make Him our compass in the coming year. May we actively seek to discern where exactly we feel the Son. 

​This weekend she brought with her a completely intact crab shell, legs and all, sharing with us what she learned about crab molting. I was fascinated, as I’d never known such a thing existed, and I quickly realized that I had some molting to do myself.
 
 Molting is the process of completely shedding ones outer layer, whether it be made of skin, feathers, hair…or in the case of crabs, a shell. I had seen molting in my experience with chickens, I have touched the discarded skin of snakes at the zoo, but I had no idea that crabs could somehow wiggle even their legs and tendons out of their crusty external shell. Nor did I know that unless they do so, they will suffocate and die, rather than continue to grow.
 
How many times in my life have I felt that I absolutely must change and grow, or I would suffocate and die? That raw and emotional place before one molts is a painful place to be. For me, it usually entails knowing I cannot live another minute in my current self, but not knowing if growth is even possible…not knowing if I have the courage or strength to break out of my old shell…and if I do, how will I survive the vulnerability of waiting for my new shell to harden before I am destroyed?
 
Is there a name for the emotional angst that comes with the need to molt? Google doesn’t seem to think so. Perhaps that is because for animals it is not an emotional issue. For us humans, there are words such as anxiety, emotional discord, and cognitive dissonance, but none of those words seem to capture the emotional torture and transformation that seems to be implied in the human process of molting.
 
I have felt the anxiety of a pending molt when I knew it was time to walk away from my abuser. I felt it when I knew I must care for my health but could never diet again. I have felt it any number of times when I’ve had to leave some of the ways of the world behind to free my spirit and grow. Each time I was miserable. Each time I was terrified. And each time it was worth it.
 
The moment you finally break free from your old shell and realize that you will never go back, is nothing short of liberating! It is like you can finally take a deep breath, bend your limbs, and move without restriction. And though it takes time for your sensitive exterior to toughen up, before long you find an increased level of peace and comfort in the world that you’d forgotten was possible.  You’ve molted!
 
In your newfound joy, don’t forget that as surely as the last molting was crucial to your growth, so too will be the next. So don’t be surprised when you find yourself starting to feel a little cramped in your new emotional living space.
 
Today, I pass on Laurel’s questions to you:
 
What do you need to shed?
Is it an old, outdated view of yourself? Is it resentment, fear, or shame? Are there habits you need to leave behind or new ones to adopt? Are there people holding you back or knowledge you desperately need?
 
How do you need God to help you?
I once tried to exercise my faith that if I prayed fervently enough, God would remove my extra pounds overnight. I say “tried” because neither God, nor I, were all that surprised when it was still there in the morning. I knew that God was willing to help me, but perhaps just not in the way I wanted at the time. God is the ultimate parent. He will do nothing for us that we can do for ourselves, though He knows there is plenty that we are not capable of at the moment, and He stands ready and willing to do the heavy lifting.
 
What do you need to do to fulfill your part?
In the Doctrine and Covenants we read, “There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” Which blessing do you need? What are the natural laws you will have to obey in order to receive that blessing?
 
God gave me a vision of who I really was, a booster of spiritual strength, and internal peace about my decision, but I had to be the one to physically and emotionally walk away from my abuser. When we come to accept our part of the responsibilities for the growth we are seeking…when we are finally willing to obey the law upon which it is predicated, we will in fact receive the blessing.
 
It is time, as it often is, for me to molt. I’m grateful that our loving Heavenly Father is there to provide a vision of the next step, give me strength to break my old shell, and courage to be vulnerable as my new shell hardens. I am grateful, once again, for the process of molting.

​I must be the world’s worst plant owner. I do have plants, but my kids will tell you, don’t give me something that needs a lot of fussing. You’re bound to end up with sticks in dirt. For some reason, remembering to give it a little drink of water now and then just seems like an insurmountable task.
 
I do have one plant that I bought back in 1991 that is still alive, despite my multiple attempt to kill it with neglect. It has been brought back from the dead more times than people in the New Testament. I have literally left it in the garage until it was nothing more than a lonely stick in a pot of dust, and yet when my inner-scientist chose to begin throwing some water on it, it amazed us all with its ability to forgive…to bounce back…to survive. It has earned its rightful place in our home.
 
Perhaps my weakness with plants is God’s way of teaching me that when we water and nourish a thing, it grows. And when we neglect it…that’s right…it turns into the Sahara and withers away.  The same is true with habits…all habits…whether good or bad. That which we give our time and attention to grows. That which we ignore and leave unattended will dry up and disappear like last year’s reality show.
 
When we are striving to develop new habits in our lives, it can often seem daunting to give it the little bit of attention it may require. But ask yourself this? Which habits are you watering? And which habits are you neglecting? Every time you water an old habit that you would rather put in the compose bin, you keep it alive a little longer. And every time you nourish a new and improved habit, whose fruit you long to enjoy, you also keep it alive a little longer. With consistency of time and attention, the new habit will send roots deep into the earth, developing resiliency, absorbing more nutrients, and providing sweeter, more plentiful fruit.
 
And might I add that when we invite the Savior to join us in our efforts, He supplies us with the living water that can breathe life back into deadest of sticks. It’s as simple as that.  So…which habits will you water?

There are times in one's life, that change you forever. In my experience, these are not grandiose moments, worthy of media coverage. They are not noised to the world in any way. At least for me, they have been quiet, earth-shattering moments, that have changed my heart forever. And at those moments, no one in the world knew I was a different person forevermore...except for me. 

One such moment came when I was a freshman in college. I had been sexually abused by a teacher since midway through my 9th grade year and had been too weak...too naive...to afraid of abandonment to do anything about it. But as I grew and matured, and began finding my own voice, I knew I could not live another day as things were. It would change, or I would die trying. 

That was the first time I ever went to my bishop for help. I was beyond terrified. I feared my life, as I knew it, would end. But the misery I had lived with for four years compelled me to move forward...to do whatever it took. I cannot adequately describe what happened in that meeting. I was probably in his office for less than an hour. But when I walked outside of that church building and headed for my car, I was a changed human being. Completely and utterly changed. I felt peace I had not known in many years. I felt strength I didn't know was possible. And I knew that I would never allow myself to be taken advantage of again. 

In the October 1985 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, then-Elder Ezra Taft Benson made a statement that I surely didn't understand at the time, but in time would become one of my favorite quotes. Why? Because I lived it. He said, "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." (Ezra Taft Benson, Conference Report, October 1985, pp. 5-6)

Once I walked out of that church that night, I was never molested again. Why? It certainly wasn't because this teacher had changed. She had not. And she did all in her power to manipulate me for several months. Did it work? It did not. In fact, I was so strengthened by the Lord's spirit, that I was able to stand strong, even at steep costs. For the first time in my life, I was willing to stand 100% alone. 

How could my life be changed in one hour? How could I change from being completely manipulatable to standing like a rock? Because in that hour, I was filled with the knowledge of His love. I knew of my own worth. I saw a better life for myself. In short, the Lord took the slum out of Becky Ivory. After that, it was practically easy to take myself out of the slum. I knew I didn't belong there in the first place. My very nature had been changed. 

If you find yourself living in the slums of life, my best advise to you is to stop focusing on the outside, and let the Savior of the World begin to work on your from the inside out. Be willing to do whatever He asks, and I know that He will show you the light and brilliance and beauty that is you. He will take the slums out of you, and you, in turn, will find yourself with the strength, the courage, and the light, to finally take yourself out of the slums. 

Google estimates that there are 552,000 therapists in the United States. That seems about right, as I’ve kept a handful of them busy throughout my adulthood. I’m sure I’ve paid off more than one student loan in my quest to correct the thinking errors I accumulated throughout my life. Do I mind? Not at all. God bless therapists!
 
In all of my years sitting on office coaches, sometimes with a tissue in one hand and a notebook in the other, I’ve heard a lot of valuable words. Words like boundaries, transference, cognitive, and subconscious have become a part of my vocabulary. But by far, my most favorite word I’ve ever learned in therapy is next.
 
You see, no matter what has happened to you in your past…no matter what you’ve seen, heard, felt, or done, it is all in the past. This does not mean we cannot learn from it. Indeed, I believe it is crucial that we do in order to avoid repeating those patterns in the future. But it does not mean we have to continue to live in the past.
 
When old beliefs of failure, inadequacy, or powerlessness arise in our minds, we can simply recognize them, acknowledge that they are there, realize that those are feelings we used to feel and beliefs we used to believe, and then choose to move on to live the life that is before us now. Like a Broadway director sifting through singers in an audition, we can brush aside unwanted beliefs with a strong and resolute, “Next?”  
 
Because there is a “next”! Our past doesn’t have to equal our future. Being powerless as a child does not resign us to be powerless adults. Having dark, or lonely, or fearful chapters as the beginning of our story does not have to equal a sad and dismal ending? WE HAVE A CHOICE.
 
Perhaps it is time in your life to really look at the things that affected you in the past. Acknowledge that they are there…that they affected you…that they hurt and that you did not like them. It’s OK. The world won’t fall apart if you admit that your family wasn’t perfect…that you’ve made some big mistakes. Welcome to the world, my friend. All aboard! Then once you have made peace with your past, it is time to look toward the future, and declare what is perhaps the most beautiful word in the English language: “next?”

That’s it. Prepare, challenge the lies, determine your action steps, and evaluate your experience by measuring its level of success. NOW it’s time to start creating PLAYS of your own.
 
I am looking forward to those of you who registered for this week’s Sample From Food to Faith Group Meetings. The first one is THIS MORNING at 10am MST. The second one will be THIS THURSDAY evening at 5pm MST.
 
On this live video meeting, you will:

• Meet others like you who are seeking peace in their relationship with food.
• Receive personal and group coaching, specifically today on creating a PLAY to help you through one of your most challenging predictable situations.
• Tangible tools tools to help you on your journey From Food to Faith.
• Special pricing for those who wish to join our From Food to Faith Community now.

 
If you wish to register, it’s not too late! Click HERE.
I look forward to literally seeing you soon!
 
Your friend,
Becky