I recently listened to Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, a wonderful book that follows the author through a year of resolutions, each specifically designed to increase her overall happiness. From the moment I read the title, I knew it was something I had to listen to, and I downloaded it immediately. Each month, Gretchen set a handful of resolutions in a specific area she wanted to focus on that month, and added more to the list as the year progressed.
 
I enjoyed her monthly progress, but one of my favorite parts of the book was something she shared near the beginning, which she called her 12 Commandments. These were basically 12 truths that she had learned throughout her life that guided her behavior and helped her make decisions that would help lead her to greater happiness.  I began thinking to myself, what are my commandments? What are the non-changing truths that help to bring about a life of happiness and peace?
 
As I began to write, I discovered that I did, in fact, have several guiding truths about life that I ascribe to. I also found that I could not word them any better than Gretchen already had. Therefore, I give her full credit for several on this list, though the experiences that have taught me these truths are entirely my own.
 
I settled on 10 commandments for the time being. There is no magic to the number 10, though it was good enough for God, and I think He is a pretty good role model to follow. I also expect that over time, this list will alter and grow, or change shape entirely, for that is the nature of lists. I am not the same person I was one month ago, and I am hopeful that next month, life will illuminate more truths for me to capture.
 
For today, my 10 Commandments are:
1.Be Becky.
2.Be transparent.
3.Heed all engine warning lights.
4.Give Your Lemons to the Great Lemonade Maker.
5.Act the way you want to feel.
6.Preserve personal peace.
7.Be a connector.
8.Live in the now.
9.Show proofs of love.
10.Always, “yes, and….” Never, “no, but….”
 
Over the next 10 weeks, I will share with you what these 10 Commandments mean to me. For this week, I challenge you to share with me, what are your personal commandments? What are some of the things that you know to be 100% true, that you use to guide you through the never-ending threats to your peace? What are your 10 Commandments of Happiness?

How great can one person become? Does it depend on how much you've been loved? Does it depend on how much education, money, or free time you have? Does it depend on your weight? Height? Skin color? I am here to attest, it absolutely does NOT.
 
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Everyone can be great, because anyone can serve." Serving makes us great. Serving fills us with love. Serving makes us happy, and anyone can do it.
 
You can serve at ANYTIME. Even now, as I write this alone in a motel room, I can think kind things of others, send uplifting texts, go for a walk and smile at the people I meet. I can express gratitude to the teenager handing me my lunch order, or the waiter filling my glass of water.
 
Too often we think that "serving" has to entail a lot of time, which we are already short on. I believe that some of the best service you can give someone is your focus. SEE them. HEAR them. Recently I attended a beautiful reception in my husband’s honor. I’m so proud of him and the contributions he makes to our society. I am also used to attending these functions where I know practically no one, and I am perfectly happy to blend into the background. At one point, as I stood outside a circle that was gathered around my husband to congratulate him, a lovely woman glanced back and saw that I was there. She immediately took a couple of steps back and made me a part of the circle. I thought to myself, “What a kind thing to do!” and I doubt she has any idea how that simple action served me…how it said without words, “You belong here.”
 
Recently the movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood has taken the nation by storm. There is no swearing. No violence. No inappropriate scenes. But those are the things usually throws into movies to make them sell. So why is this movie about a man who made children’s television shows so popular? I suggest it is because
Mr. Rogers knew how to love people. He saw them. He heard them. He cared about the person in front of him at every given moment.  
 
I think we all would like to “be great” in some way. We all want to leave a positive mark on the world. My husband has a saying that he tells our kids often, "Be good. Be great." I love that saying because it is not about setting unachievable expectations. That's simply teaching our children to serve. It’s a reminder that greatness isn’t achieved by money or fame. Greatness is having a heart to love others. And everyone can be great because anyone can serve.

There are times in one's life, that change you forever. In my experience, these are not grandiose moments, worthy of media coverage. They are not noised to the world in any way. At least for me, they have been quiet, earth-shattering moments, that have changed my heart forever. And at those moments, no one in the world knew I was a different person forevermore...except for me. 

One such moment came when I was a freshman in college. I had been sexually abused by a teacher since midway through my 9th grade year and had been too weak...too naive...to afraid of abandonment to do anything about it. But as I grew and matured, and began finding my own voice, I knew I could not live another day as things were. It would change, or I would die trying. 

That was the first time I ever went to my bishop for help. I was beyond terrified. I feared my life, as I knew it, would end. But the misery I had lived with for four years compelled me to move forward...to do whatever it took. I cannot adequately describe what happened in that meeting. I was probably in his office for less than an hour. But when I walked outside of that church building and headed for my car, I was a changed human being. Completely and utterly changed. I felt peace I had not known in many years. I felt strength I didn't know was possible. And I knew that I would never allow myself to be taken advantage of again. 

In the October 1985 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, then-Elder Ezra Taft Benson made a statement that I surely didn't understand at the time, but in time would become one of my favorite quotes. Why? Because I lived it. He said, "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." (Ezra Taft Benson, Conference Report, October 1985, pp. 5-6)

Once I walked out of that church that night, I was never molested again. Why? It certainly wasn't because this teacher had changed. She had not. And she did all in her power to manipulate me for several months. Did it work? It did not. In fact, I was so strengthened by the Lord's spirit, that I was able to stand strong, even at steep costs. For the first time in my life, I was willing to stand 100% alone. 

How could my life be changed in one hour? How could I change from being completely manipulatable to standing like a rock? Because in that hour, I was filled with the knowledge of His love. I knew of my own worth. I saw a better life for myself. In short, the Lord took the slum out of Becky Ivory. After that, it was practically easy to take myself out of the slum. I knew I didn't belong there in the first place. My very nature had been changed. 

If you find yourself living in the slums of life, my best advise to you is to stop focusing on the outside, and let the Savior of the World begin to work on your from the inside out. Be willing to do whatever He asks, and I know that He will show you the light and brilliance and beauty that is you. He will take the slums out of you, and you, in turn, will find yourself with the strength, the courage, and the light, to finally take yourself out of the slums. 

Much to my frustration, within minutes he was back out like Braveheart on a freedom quest. Once again, I pulled over, swatted his behind, delivered the necessary speech, buckling him back into his now-tightened car seat…this time with a bit more sternness, in hopes he would understand the seriousness of the situation. His continued smile didn’t give me much hope. 
But before I could pat myself on the back, I looked in the rear-view mirror only to see that Houdini had outdone himself, and was again freely roaming the backseat. That was IT! I stormed out of the car, threw his door open and angrily swatted his bottom, once again. The lecture was louder, and the car seat was adjusted to “Defcon Straitjack”.
Just as I was beginning to wonder where my parenting manual was, my sweet Carson pulled me close and, with an unphased-smile, gave me a heart-melting hug exclaiming, “I love you!”, topping it off with a kiss.

My friends, happiness is a choice.
 
For many years, happiness was elusive to me. It seemed to depend on outward circumstances: were the people I loved happy with me? Did I look the right way? Was I accepted? Did I get what I wanted? When I wasn’t happy, the only way I knew to deal with that disappointment was by turning to food for distraction and maybe a little bit of sugar-induced sweetness.
I have come to learn that distractions do not equal happiness, and that true, internal happiness is not conditioned upon what happens to us, but rather what happens within us.
Jim Rohn shares that happiness is something we must weave. If we want to have a happy day we must weave it strand upon strand. If we want a happy career we will have to carefully weave that career with the fabric that happiness is made of. Happy marriages…happy families…happy hearts…are all products of carefully woven choices that can be learned. Just as we can learn the skills of financial success, so can we learn the skills of weaving a happy life.
For a born Eeyore like me, this idea was revolutionary! To realize that I could be happy just like little Carson…even when those I love are angry with my choices, cause me pain, or put a straitjacket on my freedom, I can choose to love, I can choose to be happy.
It’s time to stop looking outside of ourselves for sources of joy and peace. It’s time to start taking a look inside of our own hearts and minds, and make the daily choice to weave happiness. 

By the end of May we will have married off 3 beautiful daughters. Each looked like princesses in their beautiful gowns, but the end result came after a lot of work, and frankly, a few tears. Multiple shopping trips, followed by endless tailoring appointments, got us closer and closer to creating the fairytale image they were seeking. In one desperate attempt to create the perfect fit, I wound up buying $900 (yes, you read that right) NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS worth of form-fitting shapers to achieve the perfect fit desired, breathing room being a luxury at this point. (Shout out to Kohl’s for their amazing return policy!)
 
Having “dress #3” ready to go, I breathed a sigh of relief and could not help but think about how this experience applies so accurately to the rest of our lives.
 
The world tells us what we should look like, act like, walk and talk like. It tells us when it thinks we are too short, tall, round, or thin. And all the while, we often find ourselves doing whatever it takes to mold ourselves into what others want us to be.
 
What if we allowed ourselves to simple be? What if we let our clothing fit us, rather than the other way around? What if we just embraced our way of walking and talking? Our height and breadth? What if we realized that believing we are “good enough” today does not prohibit us from being better tomorrow?
 
What if we stopped judging others and started loving them where they are…how they are…today…while still giving them breathing room to do, have, or be more tomorrow?
 
What if we realized that fairytales are simply that, and that life is lived by real, genuine, slightly broken, good-enough people, and that we are one of them?
 
So, put on your proverbial sweat pants, throw on your comfy shoes, and take a load off…off of your heart and mind, and realize that today, you can just be.
​

As Linda’s car pulled up in the driveway, I saw her break out in a big beautiful laugh as she quickly locked all of her doors and sat in her currently dry condition, pondering how to keep it that way.
 
What happened next surprised me. Rather than threatening us within an inch of our lives, which is what would likely have happened at my house, she simply decided there was no avoiding it, grabbed her purse, and bolted for the house as quickly as she could. She got no more than 5 feet before she looked like a drowning kitten, but she was laughing hysterically all the way into the house and for the rest of the evening.
 
I couldn’t believe it! Not only did she not get angry with us, she actually embraced it, and us in the process.
 
The final step in the Fish! Philosophy that unleashes your potential and that of those around you is the concept of Play. Too often we take ourselves far too seriously. We forget that every task, no matter how simple or repetitive, can be fun if we make up our minds to make it be.
 
Can you add a little play into your work? Your home life? Into the way you cook, shop, or clean? In my Intuitive Eating Group Meetings, we even turned our quest to change our relationship with food into a game! Playing releases powerful endorphins that create feelings of connection and satisfaction, leaving everyone involved better off in the end.
 
So when life seems a little overwhelming, perhaps you can consider implementing the Fish! Philosophy of Play into your day!

​By implementing the Fish! Philosophy in your life, you tap into your unique power to transform your life into what you have always wanted it to be. Contact me to learn how private coaching can speed up your move toward your goals.

​“First, you must climb up this telephone pole using nothing but the metal spikes hammered into the side,” our perky hosts announced. Once we arrived at the top, we were then expected to shimmy across another telephone pole, this one lying so high that the birds wondered why we were crowding in on their territory. For the women brave enough to get that far, we could fly like those birds on a zip line, safely back to planet earth.
 
I was not one of those women.
 
Significantly overweight, I did not know if I could climb the first pole, and I was certain I did not want my friends on the ground to be staring at my harness-laden behind as I ascended, so I took the coward’s way out and relegated myself as the cheerleading squad. They flew like birds. I clipped my own wings and stayed on the ground.
 
This overnight retreat had gathered together a great bunch of women, mostly in their 30’s and 40’s…all except one: Janet.
 
Janet was the age of my mother, and could have been the grandmother to some of the new moms in the crowd. But that didn’t stop her from being one of the first to throw on the harness and climb that pole like a pro. I’ll never forget her jumping into mid-air, enjoying every minute of the ride back to solid ground. It was the first time I ever met Janet, and I learned quickly that I wanted to be just like her.
 
As the years went by, I continued to watch Janet. She valued her health and stayed very physically active. She was not immune to the challenges of life but she never let outward circumstances dictate her happiness. She loved her family. She showed up to every church and community activity, and made friends with anyone and everyone. She was one of the healthiest, happiest people I’ve known.
 
I last saw her not long ago and she was as vibrant and happy as ever, so it came as a shock when I discovered she had died unexpectedly. My first reaction was one of shock and sadness, but then a smile spread across my face. “Go, Janet!” was all I could think. “You did it!”
 
There is a saying in the Christian world that asks, “What would Jesus do?” It is meant to help us measure our own actions against the loving characteristics of Christ and inspire us to do better. This past week, the phrase, “what would Janet do” has come into my mind several times when I am faced with taking the stairs or the elevator…staying home or heading out to socialize…choosing to be angry or exchanging my grumpiness for a smile.
 
You see, Janet taught me that happiness is a choice. If I want to become an elderly woman who can walk and drive and climb telephone poles, I have to walk and drive and climb telephone poles now. If I want to become an elderly woman who makes lots of friends, is involved in my community, and finds happiness in each simple day, then I must invest myself in making friends, in my community, and in finding happiness in each simple day now. Janet has taught me that it is the little choices we make daily that will determine whether we get stuck on the ground or overcome our challenges and fly with the birds. 

​Do you want to help your organization develop a greater connections, increase  confidence and eliminate fear? Becky Ivory is now booking for speaking engagements in 2019. Contact Becky to learn how she can add value to your organization.