Each morning I began with a recommitment to exercising faith in God, but every time a cupcake walked by, it seemed that my beliefs went right out the window until I found myself lying in bed that night, physically, emotionally and spiritually miserable after exercising more faith in food than in God. It just didn’t seem to add up.

 
As I began to learn that my problem was not food…that my problem was actually spiritual, it all began to make sense. I started to recognize a series of limiting beliefs that I had bought into as a child. For example, the belief that I would always love others more than they would love me, or the belief that it was my job to make others happy.
 
When I started to see that those limiting beliefs were conflicting with what I knew about God, my purpose here on the earth, and the way things really worked, I started to see how my thought and behaviors were also conflicting for so many years.
 
Once I started aligning my beliefs with what I knew to be true, the internal conflict began to cease. My “system” started functioning better. I started finding more peace in my heart and mind, which affected my behaviors, and the results of that system started to improve accordingly.
 
If your system is getting results you don’t particularly like, it’s time to examine the system thoroughly to discover where the bugs are. Sometimes, a professional with training and experience can help us find and fix those glitches faster than we are able to on our own. 

However you go about it, when the results are not what you want, it's time to take pieces apart the systems we have relied upon for our entire lives and figure out what it is about that system that is creating the results we are getting. It's time to throw out the old and broken pieces and replace them with the parts that function properly and in harmony with the rest of the machine. In short, it’s time to fix the system.

Everyone in the family took turns gathering the eggs, from Ken to the youngest child. It was an easy job: Walk outside. Lift the hatch. Pick up eggs. Done.  So I never could quite understand why every time we went out of town, my mother would make a big point of announcing that she would watch the dog, but was NOT about to gather our eggs.
 
Finally, after some investigating, I learned that she had grown up with chickens back in the 40s, and gathering eggs had been more of a war game than a chore. Protective hens sat on their eggs and defended them from intruders, and she was the intruder. They pecked and scratched and made gathering eggs a terrifying experience for many a grown-up, let alone a little girl.
 
I wondered why our chickens didn’t fight to protect their eggs like my mother’s chickens had. Our chickens didn’t even stick around to keep their eggs warm most of the time. And if one did happen to decide it was time to play house, that was easily cured with some ice water on her backside.
 
When my husband asked a local farmer about this, we learned that as the egg farming industry has grown, the instinct to fight and protect their eggs has actually been bred out of chickens to make the egg gathering easier. As a chicken owner, I was grateful, though Mom still wouldn’t be caught dead near our chicken coop. But I had to wonder…how much is this like us?
 
Often, when we are young, we have lots of big dreams…loads of determination…a large store of "fight" in us. But through the years as our dreams are met with obstacles and our determination is faced with disappointment, we seem to have had the fight bred out of us. Our faith has been replaced with fear.
 
But we are not chickens. We can determine our own destiny. It is never too late to keep fighting for our dreams. Each day is a new day, and I have learned that fears can actually be transformed into the faith we need to keep moving toward our goals!
 
I have no desire to put the fight back in the chickens. But I do have a passion for putting the fight back in you. Let’s get back on the nest, look life square in the eyes, and dare the world to just try to take our dreams from us again. ​
​

When hiding is needed at home, wrappers can hide inside other containers in the garbage can, or at the bottom of the bag. There are all sorts of ways that the evidence can be hidden…except when it can’t.

​In all of those situations, I successfully avoided the immediately judgment of those around me, but I could not hide the long-term affects of my eating…weight gain…and worst of all, I could not hide the pressure of guilt and shame I felt as I knew my own deceit and failure.
 
Recently, I was reading a beautiful scripture where the prophet Nephi is lamenting his sins and subsequently praising God for his faithfulness and love. Verse 27 reads, “And why should I yield to sin…because of my flesh? And why should I give way to temptation…to destroy my peace and afflict my soul [ellipses added]? I have read this scripture hundreds of times, and yet this time this last sentence grabbed my attention.
 
I have given way to temptation literally thousands of times when it came to numbing my emotions with food. Every morning I would swear that today it would not happen. I would follow my diet…I would not cave in to anxiety…I would exercise faith in God. But far too often, I would fail before the Oprah show could come on, spend the rest of the day focused on food, and fall into bed with tremendous guilt and shame, only to arise with the same empty-but-sincere promises to myself and God the next morning.
 
For decades, I would have told you that if I could binge forever and not gain any weight, I would. I thought I loved food. I thought that weight-gain was the problem. But the truth is, food was only the symptom of self-hatred and anxiety, and the weight-gain was certainly not the worst symptom of a binge.
 
As Nephi pinpoints in this simple sentence, the worst symptom of binging…of turning to food in an attempt to find peace…was that “the evil one [had] place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul”.  Day after day, year after year, decade after decade, I was giving Satan an almost-daily opportunity to destroy my peace.
 
I believed his lies that I was worthless and powerless. I denied God the opportunity to show me His love and power. I was far too used to giving up real peace, for the false promise of peace through an inanimate object...food. Food has no ability to bring peace. God does.
 
Now, when I find myself engulfed in the temptation to turn to food for peace, this memorized scripture has the power to remind me that giving way to temptation only leads to “the evil one having place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul.” It does not lead to the peace I am seeking.
 
Once I began to truly understand this, I found that I was not so easily deceived by the false promises I had bought into for far too long. This simple reminder by an ancient prophet is usually enough to help me seek peace where it actually exists. It exists in truth. It exists in aligning ourselves with truth. It exists in God. ​

Verse 35 teaches a principle that I have come to know for myself. The bruises on my forehead from years of wall-banging will attest to its truthfulness. It says,
 
“I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me if I ask not amiss…”
 
There are countless times that I have asked amiss, and then wondered why God wasn’t listening. Let me share with you just one example:
 
I received the title From Food to Faith in revelation over 20 years ago, in response to my prayers asking, “What book would you want me to write someday?” When this title came to me, I knew it was true that faith would be an important part of my recovery from overeating, but in all honesty, I wasn’t sure how.
 
I already believed in God, and in His Son, Jesus Christ. I loved them. I tried daily to follow them. But they didn’t seem to have the power to keep my hands off of a second serving of cheesecake. And I asked! Trust me, I really asked.
 
I prayed for self-control. I prayed for the right diet. I prayed for help in following the right diet. I even found myself at times thinking that if could just muster the courage of that stupid mustard seed, I could wake up in the morning completely, miraculously thin and healthy. You won’t be too surprised if I tell you that it didn’t happen, would you? In fact, none of it happened. Why? Duh. I was asking amiss.
 
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find or follow a healthy diet. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get back in my Levi 501s or wishing I could “walk and not be weary.” And there is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to overcome a destructive relationship with food. So why was God seeming to ignore my prayers?
 
I now know that I was not asking the right questions. I wanted God to get rid of the symptoms of the problems. But the true problem was much deeper, and more painful and scary than I was willing to deal with.
 
This was like going to a doctor with a foreign object in my body that is causing a raging infection, and begging the doctor to “pretty-please, treat my fever, but don’t even think about touching the problem, because it would be just too painful to deal with it.” And, like a wise doctor, the Lord could only sit back, and wait for me to be willing to allow Him to remove the source of the problem.
 
For years I continued to treat the fever. Sometimes I found the right combination of medications that would keep it at bay for a day, a week, or perhaps even a month. But in the end, the infection would increase, the fever returning with a vengeance.
 
Finally, I began to realize that weight was simply the fever of my problem. I began to realize that my dress-size was only a symptom, and it was time to gather all of my courage and allow the Lord...The Great Physician, to finally touch the source of my affliction.
 
It was painful…I’m not going to lie. But it was far less painful than the fever had ever been. When I began to let The Physician do His work, things began to turn around almost immediately. I began finding little moments of peace. My relationships began to change. My trust in myself, others, and God began to strengthen and I began feeling a strength and peace in my life that I hadn’t really known was possible before.
 
Sometimes, I still find myself neglecting the real source of my problems, thinking that perhaps I am done being healed. And when I do, my temperature can begin to rise. I am not completely healed. But I have come to rely on The Physician. And when He reminds me that it is time to work on the source of the problem, I strive to listen. And He answers, every single time. I have come to know that He will always answer, when I ask not amiss. ​

​You may not believe me, but underneath my Eddie Bauer T-shirt is a great big “S”. It stands for “Self-Pity Woman”, and let me tell you, I’m the BEST at self-pity you’re ever likely to meet.  I don’t mean to brag, but I can feel sorry for myself faster than a speeding bullet. My limiting beliefs can be more powerful than a locomotive. And I am able to leap to conclusions in a single bound!
 
As I said, this power of self-pity sets me apart…literally.  It is the power that can set me apart from potential friends, opportunities, and can drive wedges between my most rewarding relationships. I know. I’ve been there.
 
Why would you want a superpower like that?!...you may be wondering? Well, it is the perfect superpower if you want to blame someone else for your lack of progress in your life, or if you’re scared to move forward in your big, crazy goals.
 
On the other hand, if you’re aching to do, have, or be more than you’ve been before…if you don’t want to be “in a class of your own”, perhaps you’ll discover, like I did, that it just might be time to keep the Eddie Bauer shirt on. 

I’m sure there were lots of laughs that day…but not from Mrs. Ivory. Mrs. Ivory put a smile on her face and laughed along with the several hundred students and teachers, hiding her bloodied leg, until she made it back to the solitary safety of her office…and cried.
 
I know, because I was Mrs. Ivory.
 
I loved teaching school. With 300 students a day, the energy was always high and I was always surrounded by a sea of good kids. I got to share with them my love of music. It was a blessing. But despite the blessing, the stress of a new job found me eating my way up another 50 pounds on top of the extra dress sizes I’d already accumulated when I went back to school in my 40s.
 
Excruciating pain had developed in my feet and made every step I took feel like I had microscopic pieces of glass in every cell. Doctors were baffled and exercise became nearly impossible. My war with food was in full-force, regardless of the 20 years I had spent dieting, and in this area of my life, I was physically and emotionally miserable.
 
My humiliating crash to that linoleum gymnasium floor was only more evidence to add to the emotional floor I’d been sitting on for years, and once again, I turned to the only thing I knew to numb the pain…food. Interestingly, in time I would discover that my problem was not the food. It was not the fat. It was the fear.
 
Fear had run my life for as long as I can remember: fear of being abandoned, fear of failure, fear of discovering that I will never, ever be good enough. So when I found myself sitting on the linoleum floor of an elementary school gym, surrounded by the deafening laughter of children and a few pitiful looks from teachers, my limiting beliefs about myself had only been strengthened.
 
The turning point for me came when I finally hired a mentor and coach who was able to help me see that fear was the root of my problems, and food only the symptom. As I became willing to do the work of challenging my false beliefs…of examining them, and replacing them with truth…as I began to trust God and His plan for my life, and the lives of those I love, then the healing began.
 
I began to find myself being picked up off of the proverbial linoleum floor, and seeing my life, and the world around me, from a whole new perspective…a perspective where I was not beneath the rest of the world, but where I was eye-to-eye and equal to. I began to find peace.
 
If you have been living on the linoleum floor of life, I invite you to take my hand and learn how to stand…how to brush yourself off…and live life up where you belong…equal with your brothers and sisters and cherished in the eyes of your Father. Learn to use that linoleum floor to help you walk your way towards peace.
 
Thankfully, I don’t crash to floors anymore…physically or emotionally. And in moments when the emotional chair seems to be a bit rocky, I know where to turn for support, comfort and clarity. I can finally say that I am grateful I finally hit “linoleum bottom”.

Sometimes the very things we want the most scare us. The bigger the idea, the scarier it seems to be...the more "impossible". It may even feel like we don't deserve to have, do or be it. 

In the John Maxwell Team, we call this the "Terror Barrier". You know the feeling...it comes up as soon as you begin to explore the possibilities of growth for your life. Shortly after you begin to take action towards your dreams, the fear kicks in. We pull up our proverbial feet, hoping to be able to interact with our dream without having to face the sharp teeth that we fear accompany the process of getting out of our comfort zone. 

It's important to remember that everyone experiences the Terror Barrier. For the first while, we run on motivation and excitement. But once our belief systems kick in we start thinking things like, "What was I thinking? I can't do this. I don't have time. I don't even deserve to be successful at this." The fear kicks in and we are now faced with a critical choice:

Will I turn around and go back to my comfort zone? 
or
Will I move through the fear and do it afraid? 

I am no exception. Becoming a coach has been exciting...and scary. finding peace with food has been exciting...and scary. Putting together From Food to Faith groups has been exciting...and scary. ALL processes that lead to actual growth include the element of fear, and the critical decision to move through the fear by doing it anyway...in other words, do it afraid.

When we face our fears of doing something but do it anyway, that is when we have the power to break through the Terror Barrier and actually attain a new level of success...an increase in our joy...another layer added to our comfort zone. 

I have learned enough now that I know I won't turn back, no matter how afraid I am. Why? Because the proverbial puppies that I was afraid of yesterday have become my best friends of today, moving me ever closer to the life of joy and significance I long for. So I can boldly declare, today I choose to do it afraid. ​Tomorrow I will choose to do it afraid. And I hope you will choose to do it afraid with me!